So-- guilt is a huge part of who I am. I hang on to things I have done wrong far longer than is probably necessary. Incidentally, in researching this, it appears there is a psychological term used "overguilt". So if "guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something that one believes one should not have done and it gives rise to a feeling which does not go away easily, driven by 'conscience'." Then it is to be assumed that overguilt is an extension of this to an unhealthy point. Incidentally, when it comes to misdoings with people and feelings come into play-- I fall into the overguilt category. I think I have a physical need for others to extend forgiveness or perhaps, acceptance of my screw up.
Another scholar says that this type of guilt is self-inflicted and usually based on an individuals higher expectations of themselves, than they hold others up to. People like me seem to lack the ability to allow for personal mistakes. I would have to agree. Screw ups keep me up at night when they are involving people. I could do something completely wrong elsewhere, and it would not bother me. When it involves people I am a mess. Which, totally reflects my personality assessment I got back yesterday!
So here is the recipe for assuaging guilt (apparently) and what needs to happen:
Regret- A recognition of the wrong doing and appreciation for impact
Repentance-Making an apology
Restitution or Redress-ahhhh, the tricky one when it only involves people, not the physical
Rehabilitation- An honest, sincere, and ongoing attempt to not repeat the mistake.
I can do all, wish there was a simple solution for the restitution part when people's emotions or feelings are involved. Perhaps the 'time heals all wounds' comes into play? I hate saying I am wrong and admitting my failings, yet, I force myself to do it in every situation. The emotional beating I give myself when I f**k up is extensive and thorough. I wish I could be as forgiving of myself as I am of others. Probably would be better for my mental health. I am struggling. I truly do learn from my mistakes and can do the 'intellectualizing' of the situation. It doesn't really help that glob of guilt which sits in my chest under my waterlily. Guess the guilt thing is one area I will continue to have to work on.
