Rules of Conversation

www.radicalacademy.com/adlerconversation.htm

Frequently I lust for a good conversation. A good discussion, an argument, a tussle of the minds. Something that expands my own knowledge, or stretches my understanding of a given topic to include new information. Why is it that the art of good conversation seems to be dying?

We have access to such large amounts of information via the media, web and social networking yet we are hardly seem to engage others in a meaningful and challenging way anymore! We are reduced to the 140 characters of twitter... yet I must admit, it takes less than those 140 characters to get my mind rolling when a twitter update comes in from Canada Politics or other cool twitterers (not twits?) on my blackberry.

Yet alas, I lack the time and companions to engage in a good debate. A good tussle of the minds. But perhaps the words of Mr. Adler will prompt you to pursue the fine art and get others going... even if your efforts get 'em riled!!

Solidago

Solidago is a beautiful name for a plant which truly is beautiful, but when did you last look closely at this plant native across North America? To which plant do I refer? Goldenrod.

You gasp! But isnt that like ragweed? Nope. In fact, goldenrod has many medicinal uses and has been cultivated by cultures in the east and west alike. Now you wonder, why the thoughts of goldenrod?

I took the kids and their friends for a trail walk, and as I walked I smelled the most wonderful sweet scent on the air. Quickly I discovered the source as the goldenrod at the side. Waving in the breeze, its brilliant yellow cheery and each frond of the plant delicate. I wondered which type it was to be so fragrant.... I googled goldenrod species to discover far more that the 4 or 5 species I had originally thought there were. Ei Yi Yi. A simple plant so many think of as a 'weed'! But if you just stop, look, smell, admire, BEAUTY IS EVERYWHERE!

Some things I have noticed on my wanders with the dog...

• The staghorn sumac is at its fruiting peak! The fuzz has not yet started to disintegrate and the colour is a blazing burgundy. Lovely. Did you know you can eat that red fuzzy part? It is the fruit! You can even brew it into a drink.
• The Queen Anne's Lace or Wild Carrot as it is also known, is very plentiful this year. After the blooms are spent, they curl up into a cup formation. As that cup shape dries, it is quite dense and firm. A weird feeling when you grasp one!
• Sadly there are few butterflies, moths, caterpillars and the like in comparison with past years. Sigh....
• On the positive I have seen a huge surge in the numbers of bumblebees and honeybees this year (and luckily, fewer paper wasps-- damn things!)
• the roots of corn actually come out of the ground when it gets cobs forming. It can be quite crazy to look at the strength of those roots, all for one stalk. If you doubt the strength, just try to pull one up!!
• Evening primrose have a lovely delicate scent if you catch them as the sun comes up in the morning, before they have a chance to close for the day.
  

What are we doing?

Came across this and it stopped me dead....

More problem children today than 50 years ago
There has been a dramatic increase in children and teenagers with behavioural problems in Canada in the past 30 years, wrote The Globe and Mail Feb. 21, in a story about a report written by Anne-Marie Ambert (left), professor emeritus in York’s Faculty of Arts, for the Vanier Institute of the Family. As many as one in five young people are now demonstrating severe problematic behaviour – acts that intentionally hurt others, such as being disruptive, aggressive or delinquent – up from about one in 20 three decades ago, says Ambert. At some schools and in certain neighbourhoods, that ratio can be as high as one in every two young people.

In her review of hundreds of Canadian and US studies that looked at various causes of this "disturbing shift in behaviour," Ambert blames the evolution of an environment that essentially acts as a breeding ground for the development of problem behaviour, wrote the Globe.

She notes that, compared to the 1970s:

• Parents are now working longer hours and are less available to monitor and engage in their children's lives;
• Schools and neighbourhoods are no longer offering the strong community and social control they once did;
• There is less emphasis on religion in the home and in society as a whole;
• There is a rise in the number of single-parent homes, especially those living in poverty;
• Youth are now spending unparalleled amounts of time accessing media, through television, music videos, the Internet and video games.

In a 13-year study conducted between 1976 and 1989, yearly samples of parents and teachers increasingly reported that children destroyed things belonging to others, lied, stole, and hung around with others who got into trouble. Peer and teacher victimization has also become more frequent in the 2000s, she reports.

• The finger of blame points at everyone: parents, schools, neighbourhoods and the media, said Anne-Marie Ambert, a sociology professor who recently retired from York’s Faculty of Arts, wrote Canadian Press Feb. 20. “In the past, parents used to receive the support of their neighbours,'' she said. But now, she observed, people are often afraid to intervene if they see children or teens misbehaving in the neighbourhood or at the mall. Ambert said the only surprise she found when looking at the literature was that more girls are engaging in physically aggressive behaviour than in the past.
  
• The number of badly behaved youths in Canada has quadrupled since the 1950s, largely due to the spread of negative values on television and the Internet and in video games and movies, wrote the Ottawa Citizen Feb. 21. Anne-Marie Ambert, a retired sociologist from York's Faculty of Arts, said the role of the media has proved most detrimental to the development of well-integrated, empathetic young citizens.

Ambert said responsibility for children's increasingly antisocial behaviour can't simply be put on the backs of parents. "Parents, whether they're divorced or whatever, it just doesn't account for the aggressiveness and lack of civility and so on," she said. "These are things kids get from advertising, which influences their peer group and so on and so forth."

• According to Anne-Marie Ambert, the kids aren't all right, wrote Sue Bailey in an op-ed piece about the retired York sociology professor’s research in The Globe and Mail Feb. 22. More and more children are exhibiting "problematic behaviours," from irritability, lying and hitting to delinquency and, at the extreme, murder. The list of contributing factors includes, well, everyone: parents (particularly single parents), other children, society, genetics, poverty, materialism, individualism and, high on the list, the media's violent programming.

• There are many places to find fault for the increased number of problem children, says the author of a study from the Vanier Institute of the Family, wrote the Sudbury Star Feb. 23. Parents, schools, neighbourhoods and the media are all included, said Anne-Marie Ambert, a professor of sociology who recently retired from York’s Faculty of Arts. "In the past, parents used to receive the support of their neighbours," she said. But now, she observed, people are often afraid to intervene if they see children or teens misbehaving in the neighbourhood or at the mall.

It's important to remember and celebrate the many good teenagers out there. Those who excel at school, in community service, the arts or sports should be held up as role models. "There are still a lot of positives that society offers so that the majority of children don't fall into this (problem) category," said Ambert.

• Ambert spoke about her study on numerous television and radio stations across the country in the days after her report was published.

The Art of Faking It

Spoke with an old friend this morning and was struck once again with the reality that we are a society of fakers. We are all just muddling along, feeling inadequate in our muddle yet thinking everyone else is doing SO much better than we are. What a laugh. If we are all honest with ourselves, very few of us really know where we are REALLY going from here. With the exception of a few very specialized fields, we often say we can 'do' something or have the ability to complete a given task, without really having done it before. After all, what is a job interview for most jobs beyond how well you can 'fake' it? If you are shaking your head and disagreeing, think about this... don't most of us study up on the organization we are interviewing with? Practise the responses that put forward the worker we wish to portray? Isn't there an industry of job coaches, life coaches etc etc? They are just fakers too. Really good ones who have figured out we all feel insecure and just need someone to hold our hand sometimes.

Can we be perfect citizens, great employees, dedicated and exemplary parents all at the same time? I don't know. But damn, we all are doing a great job faking that we are! Otherwise work-life balance would not be a topic of discussion!

Here is an article that I think articulates this thought pretty well... www.thatgraph.com/961

Reflections on a Year...

Life is what you choose to make of it. Sounds trite, but it is true.

We don't get what we want WHEN we want it in life. But often it comes to us if we work hard enough and learn the lessons along the way first.

Whenever you think someone else 'has it together', chances are they are looking at you thinking the same thing and wishing they were in your spot!

People are wonderful. Most people are generous, kind, thoughful human beings just waiting for the opportunity to show and share this with others. We just forget to ask, and ask nicely of others.... because we are all a little nervous and waiting for someone else to ask us!

Becoming a parent changes you in ways you can never imagine. It mellows you in some ways, stresses you in others. Teaches you your weaknesses, forces you to step it up. They are magical and beyond stressful at the same time. And it is true, you cannot believe the depth of emotion you feel for your child.

Important decisions are never easy.

No one else can *make* you happy. Happiness is inside every person and every moment. You have to be willing to let it in. But boy, can certain people sure can open you up to rediscovering happiness.

Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda is a useless thing to discuss. Just try it. If you fail, so what? You tried. The first step is the hardest, and a big person admits their own failures and takes success not as an end; but a step towards something else.

Animals can bring joy in small ways to everyday life. I am truly glad I have pets in my life.

Beauty is everywhere. In the smell of fresh sheets off the line, the bright blue of my sons eyes, the perfection of my daughters smile, the silvery shimmer of silver birch trees to the watermarked sand at the beach... just stop, open your eyes and find it.

Happy Birthday to me....

Living in the moment.... Possible long term?

We are often advised to live in the moment. Today I was pondering this advice and the more I thought (dangerous, I know!) the more I came to the conclusion that this is dangerous advice indeed. Why you ask? If you live 'in the moment' you are completely absorbed in the experience and unencumbered by the future consequences or possibilities. Is this such a good idea? To not consider the outcomes of a given action? And is it really possible once you have become an adult?

Living in the moment, in its purest sense, to my way of thinking is foolish. It is a childlike behaviour. Appropriate when young and lacking experience. As one matures and learns, you hope that one would recognize potential pitfalls and choose more wisely than living absolutely in the moment. That being said.... I think we all could learn something from kids. Part of the reason I love 6 yr olds and under. They appreciate the simplicity of joy and happiness. They enjoy that spark of fun that occurs at odd times. Are unafraid to have a good belly laugh when something strikes them as hilarious. As adults I think we spend to much time considering all angles.

My conclusion? Living in the moment is a saying that when examined is not to be followed in its purest sense. The saying is one that should spark thoughtfulness, and prompt us to find our own inner joy in the small things. To open our eyes to the beauty surrounding us, the good conversation with a friend that touches your heart, the warmth of a dog snuggled against you trustingly, or a child hugging and kissing you saying "I love you Mumma". If we can better capture these moments, slow down and live them when they happen, experience them fully; then I think we are experiencing what we are advised in "Live in the Moment".

Feminism for a new age

Women are reluctant to identify as 'feminists'. Yet, much of what we have now is largely due to the efforts of radical women. I have read interviews of Camille Paglia, books by Betty Frieden and articles by Gloria Steinem, disections of pornography by Andrea Dworkin. But in an age of perceived freedoms and inclusion, is feminism dead or is there still a need for feminism and identification with such an 'ism'? I think yes. We have come far on the backs of feminists in the the 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's. What is left to do? My femin'ism' includes....

• Freedom from sexual marginalization via pornography, rape, abuse, disease.

• Right to reproductive freedom of choice.

• Right to protection under the law should women choose to engage is sex for sale.
• Women being equally represented across institutions
• A balance of responsibility in social expectations relating to child rearing and family life.

My biggest peeve is the balance between erotica and pornography. The latter being scene as the same as the former. Pornography lacks the focus of mutuality, sensuality, inner growth and connection. The pornography argument is that it is fantasy, so what harm exists in that. Or is it? How can something which reduces women to a series of orifices to be penetrated, something sensual and erotic? Are we not creating an unrealistic mental film reels that young men run through their minds as to what sexuality is? And killing the experience for women who are then to meet these young men?

It is hardly a simple matter of fantasy if there is no open discourse within society about what comprises healthy sexuality between consenting adults. It is not fantasy, but a guide book that perpetuates myths and gender stereotypes. Perhaps the biggest challenge is for women to 'own' their sexual identities and reclaim that which is lost when there is no open discourse.

Conspicuous Consumption

Thorstein Veblen coined the term "Conspicuous Consumption" in 1899. The explanation for the term was the behaviours of a certain class ... consumption with the motive or desire for social esteem, which itself was dependent on the possession of wealth. But having money was not enough. It must be put “in evidence,” or become conspicuous.

Has our disposable society come full circle back to the nouveau riche of Veblen's time, forgetting the lessons taught to our grandparents in the Depression and War times? The wide availability of goods, the marketing of 'needs', and relative disposibility of goods makes it hard for us to go deeper and discover our own consumption motivations.

Are you able to get past your own fears of discovering why you consume conspicuously? The reasons might not be 'pleasant'. Are you seeking status? To project something to the public? Is it necessary? Ethical even?

Removing conspicuous consumption is essential in our aims of environmentalism. If it was possible for Western Society to consume what was needed only... imagine. Yes, the collapse of our economy might occur. But, perhaps we would see a return to making quality items. Invest in craftmanship. Support artisans. Buy for utility and beauty. Make thoughtful purchases not pushed by media and society ideals. More people might find direct employment and finally people in skilled trades would once again recieve the accolades and admiration which seems reserved for academics and professionals. The balance is possible. Shake free of the chains of consumerism. Think, delve, question. Confront your own desires for 'stuff' and own up to the bigger costs of your indulgence.

I am trying to....