The sun, your inner light.... whatever!
I realized I am really living my own authentic dream. In a conversation yesterday I was asked "what job would you do if you could do anything?" The amazing part was that without thinking I immediately answered "what I am doing right now". Wow. Who knew! Funny how those gut motivated responses are so telling!
My dream job is so close. I am approaching job interview number two this week. From all the applications they got, I made it to first cut. Then to the finals.... Oh how I want this job. When I saw it I thought that this position encompassed all the jobs and experiences and connections I have made over the last decade. Reading this job ad I thought "this is MY job" but was hesitant to apply due to the title and how much managerial experience they had requested. Yet, encouraged by my professor I applied. And here I am. Approaching the challenge of getting a job which would be a goal I had set for myself.... a few years early at that!
It is a good scary feeling to be here. To possibly get what I want, but also to GET it! All the responsibility that goes with... oh my. So, I will wait and see how Tuesday goes. Who knows? I don't! What I do know is that my authentic self is expressing itself every day and shattering the surface of what was. I am evolving into the new me. It is not painless nor easy, but it makes me feel positive about the future in a way I have never ever been.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Opening of the doors
Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls. ~Joseph Campbell
I wonder if perhaps this is what I feel happening now. I will not say my bliss is here, but I am getting there. Choosing to do a job that feels right, challenges me. Asking for more than just the status quo. Believing in possibility and trying to perhaps see the potential in myself the way I always do in others. It isnt easy, funny eh? Easier to see the potential and beauty in others instead of yourself...
But here I am. At a point where the doors are opening... how exciting yet so scary. A wrong step? Or perhaps a step in any direction is just a beginning. A possibility. Challenge. New set of opportunities for growth and learning.
So here I am. My head full of thoughts on the two jobs that I am looking towards. Which will it be? Both? Neither? What will come?
Who knows! What I am sure is that so many doors are opening in me, in my life, in my heart and soul.
I wonder if perhaps this is what I feel happening now. I will not say my bliss is here, but I am getting there. Choosing to do a job that feels right, challenges me. Asking for more than just the status quo. Believing in possibility and trying to perhaps see the potential in myself the way I always do in others. It isnt easy, funny eh? Easier to see the potential and beauty in others instead of yourself...
But here I am. At a point where the doors are opening... how exciting yet so scary. A wrong step? Or perhaps a step in any direction is just a beginning. A possibility. Challenge. New set of opportunities for growth and learning.
So here I am. My head full of thoughts on the two jobs that I am looking towards. Which will it be? Both? Neither? What will come?
Who knows! What I am sure is that so many doors are opening in me, in my life, in my heart and soul.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Ways to Say Goodbye...
There are so many ways to say goodbye, and reasons for saying it. There is the goodbye when your leaving is temporary and return is already arranged, the goodbye when your presence will be gone for some time, the goodbye to situations, the goodbye to what has passed and what is done... So many reasons, so many ways to use a word and so many ways to say it...
Annyeonghi Kyeseyo(if the person you're talking to isn't leaving) - Korean
Doviđenja - Croatian (litteraly means "Until we see again")
Namaste (same as hello) - Hindi
Sayonara / さよなら (if you will not see them for a long time) - Japanese
Tschau - German
Adios - Spanish
One common thread is that so many of the goodbye's across the languages have no sense of permanence. That the goodbye is forever. Adios/a demain/Bis Spater- til tomorrow! Hardly the goodbye of "never will I see you or this place again". Personally, hate goodbyes. Unless it is death I don't really believe that it IS forever. Even death, we are saying goodbye to what we have now to welcome a new stage in... one of holding that person deeper in us though not to have them on the physical plain.
I admit to avoiding goodbyes. Hate them. Even with bad situations, I try to take what I can from it -- the lessons if you will-- and close it. But is it ever goodbye as in permanent? Making it go away? NO! You have been touched and altered. So this thought on goodbye has lead me to the thinking on when is it time to say goodbye and let go to situations, jobs and people? To let go of what we have in the "now" and give it the freedom to settle and perhaps morph as the universe will have it, into something else? Be it as it will? I truly do not know. I wish I did sometimes! It is that conflict of head and heart. The wanting to hang on with your heart when your head says let go. Or holding on to the job (good example for me) because the sensible brain says it is smart.... when you heart has already jumped forward and moved on!
The quote "It takes great courage to grow up and become who you are" by ee cummings speaks to this. Being wise enough to listen more clearly to our hearts and our heads and balance them. To recognize that all the answers we have lie within us, and sometimes we must say goodbye to the now or the comfortable to move forward and be honest with who we are. Damn, I admit to this being hard! But, I feel closer to honesty and who I really am than ever before. I am better at recognizing when my head is being silly and trying to be safe in the moment, not who I really am (holding on to the security of that job!). Seems that listening to our heart is often what we do least of. We don't listen to it and are not honest to its need to say goodbye to certain things and step forward. We overthink, over-worry, place others expectations and needs ahead.
Opening ourselves to goodbye means opening ourselves to turning corners, taking paths unknown, and allowing the power of 'what will be' into our life. Scares the crap out of me. How about you? A demain... til tomorrow my friend.
Annyeonghi Kyeseyo(if the person you're talking to isn't leaving) - Korean
Doviđenja - Croatian (litteraly means "Until we see again")
Namaste (same as hello) - Hindi
Sayonara / さよなら (if you will not see them for a long time) - Japanese
Tschau - German
Adios - Spanish
One common thread is that so many of the goodbye's across the languages have no sense of permanence. That the goodbye is forever. Adios/a demain/Bis Spater- til tomorrow! Hardly the goodbye of "never will I see you or this place again". Personally, hate goodbyes. Unless it is death I don't really believe that it IS forever. Even death, we are saying goodbye to what we have now to welcome a new stage in... one of holding that person deeper in us though not to have them on the physical plain.
I admit to avoiding goodbyes. Hate them. Even with bad situations, I try to take what I can from it -- the lessons if you will-- and close it. But is it ever goodbye as in permanent? Making it go away? NO! You have been touched and altered. So this thought on goodbye has lead me to the thinking on when is it time to say goodbye and let go to situations, jobs and people? To let go of what we have in the "now" and give it the freedom to settle and perhaps morph as the universe will have it, into something else? Be it as it will? I truly do not know. I wish I did sometimes! It is that conflict of head and heart. The wanting to hang on with your heart when your head says let go. Or holding on to the job (good example for me) because the sensible brain says it is smart.... when you heart has already jumped forward and moved on!
The quote "It takes great courage to grow up and become who you are" by ee cummings speaks to this. Being wise enough to listen more clearly to our hearts and our heads and balance them. To recognize that all the answers we have lie within us, and sometimes we must say goodbye to the now or the comfortable to move forward and be honest with who we are. Damn, I admit to this being hard! But, I feel closer to honesty and who I really am than ever before. I am better at recognizing when my head is being silly and trying to be safe in the moment, not who I really am (holding on to the security of that job!). Seems that listening to our heart is often what we do least of. We don't listen to it and are not honest to its need to say goodbye to certain things and step forward. We overthink, over-worry, place others expectations and needs ahead.
Opening ourselves to goodbye means opening ourselves to turning corners, taking paths unknown, and allowing the power of 'what will be' into our life. Scares the crap out of me. How about you? A demain... til tomorrow my friend.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Wise Words about Money
Lesson 133: The Pursuit of Money (See Lessons from the Monk I Married link to the right)
The author of this blog says in this article "Everything in the world is energy. If you are waiting around to get the money you need to do what you want, you may be waiting forever. Do what makes you happy RIGHT NOW. If you are doing what makes you truly happy, chances are it will make others happy, too. Instead of running down the money-dead-end-street, you enter the pool of infinite exchange."
I could not agree more. When I started out as a teacher I felt this exchange of energy. The connection with those I helped to learn. I felt daily the sense of challenge, love of the exchange between learner and teacher, and the importance of my small impacts. As time passed, this dissapeared. It was replaced with the weight of finding that permanent position, the steady paycheck, benefits. That was when it all went in the crapper. I often blame the changes in the system, but you know what? This article made me rethink that. The system changes were only part of the bigger picture.
From there I pursued a passion of mine that resurfaced after over a decade of dormancy. The desire to make societal impact via non-profit work. As a job. This meant giving up the possibility of steady paycheck, pursuing that pension etc. When I finally got my foot in the door I felt as if the world opened up to me again. All this inner energy in me connected with the external. I felt passion for work, life, learning. The transition certainly was not financial! 3 days teaching would have netted me more $$ than a full week in current position. The thing is... I realize I DON'T CARE! I may like things, or security, or an image but when I stop I realize it really does NOT matter. I am just not one of those people.
This past year has connected me deeply to my inner wise woman, my crone! I feel more certain about who I am. Though there are times I feel the wavering self-esteem, I am able to recognize them and not necessarily soothe it but reason myself out of obsessing. Pursuing a useless path. I know happiness for me, lies within me. I can only hope my honesty of self, commitment to pursuing "real" will spark those around me to share the pleasure in the journey or begin their own. My ability to see the greatness in others, their harnessed potential, their inner light sometimes gives me dissapointment when people don't live up to their potential. But, I also realized very recently that one of my roles in this life is to provide the mirror for others to see this. If I think on the people I have affected by encouraging them in an artistic pursuit, to go after a specific job, to take a step towards something good for them personally... it makes me feel good. I have no ownership, no claim to fame. But I know I was a part of some small moment when a new possibility opened for them. SO for this reason, I will continue to see the best in people and ignore the potential for me to be dissapointed. I will look past their stuff, their trappings, their situation and see that deeper possibility and hold the light to it with only the wish that they too will see the wonderful person I do.
The author of this blog says in this article "Everything in the world is energy. If you are waiting around to get the money you need to do what you want, you may be waiting forever. Do what makes you happy RIGHT NOW. If you are doing what makes you truly happy, chances are it will make others happy, too. Instead of running down the money-dead-end-street, you enter the pool of infinite exchange."
I could not agree more. When I started out as a teacher I felt this exchange of energy. The connection with those I helped to learn. I felt daily the sense of challenge, love of the exchange between learner and teacher, and the importance of my small impacts. As time passed, this dissapeared. It was replaced with the weight of finding that permanent position, the steady paycheck, benefits. That was when it all went in the crapper. I often blame the changes in the system, but you know what? This article made me rethink that. The system changes were only part of the bigger picture.
From there I pursued a passion of mine that resurfaced after over a decade of dormancy. The desire to make societal impact via non-profit work. As a job. This meant giving up the possibility of steady paycheck, pursuing that pension etc. When I finally got my foot in the door I felt as if the world opened up to me again. All this inner energy in me connected with the external. I felt passion for work, life, learning. The transition certainly was not financial! 3 days teaching would have netted me more $$ than a full week in current position. The thing is... I realize I DON'T CARE! I may like things, or security, or an image but when I stop I realize it really does NOT matter. I am just not one of those people.
This past year has connected me deeply to my inner wise woman, my crone! I feel more certain about who I am. Though there are times I feel the wavering self-esteem, I am able to recognize them and not necessarily soothe it but reason myself out of obsessing. Pursuing a useless path. I know happiness for me, lies within me. I can only hope my honesty of self, commitment to pursuing "real" will spark those around me to share the pleasure in the journey or begin their own. My ability to see the greatness in others, their harnessed potential, their inner light sometimes gives me dissapointment when people don't live up to their potential. But, I also realized very recently that one of my roles in this life is to provide the mirror for others to see this. If I think on the people I have affected by encouraging them in an artistic pursuit, to go after a specific job, to take a step towards something good for them personally... it makes me feel good. I have no ownership, no claim to fame. But I know I was a part of some small moment when a new possibility opened for them. SO for this reason, I will continue to see the best in people and ignore the potential for me to be dissapointed. I will look past their stuff, their trappings, their situation and see that deeper possibility and hold the light to it with only the wish that they too will see the wonderful person I do.
Monday, May 10, 2010
learning to fly
" At the centre of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want". Lao Tzu
Wise words. I think we all know the answers deep down within ourselves if we are willing to hear the answer. What the answer is may not be one that is popular, safe or easy. It is however, one that will reflect your inner self and your desires. It makes me think of people who I admire for various reasons. Like Mother Theresa for her kindness, humility and generosity. She knew that anything that was to happen would start with her. Imagine being her family, having someone who gave themselves completely to others. She had nothing that most consider important, and yet we revere her. Why? Not just for the good she did. But for her ability to give completely of herself, to hear her own inner answer and live it.
So... I have been thinking about what my own inner answer is. I think it all boils down to "I do". I want to connect with people, learn from people, be a part of something and DO. What I do must reflect who I am, what I am. Its just the way I am. A colleague said to my "I have come to appreciate that you have only one face. You are who you are Krista. No faking". It was a compliment of the highest kind for me.
I am me. I am imperfect, and truly believe that my strengths are also equally weak in certain situations. I am a work in progress. I am trying. I am getting there. I am me.
As often as I seek out that 'perfect job' and tune up my resume. Work hard to get somewhere that I cannot see as of yet..... someone reminded me this morning it will come. It always does. And it is true. Even if I had the perfect resume for the perfect job and the perfect interview.... the reality might be less than perfect if it was not me reflected in all of those things. So I continue onwards being the flawed me working hard to be better. A student in life. Knowing that each experience has a lesson, and as much as I try -- the only things I can control are within myself.
Wise words. I think we all know the answers deep down within ourselves if we are willing to hear the answer. What the answer is may not be one that is popular, safe or easy. It is however, one that will reflect your inner self and your desires. It makes me think of people who I admire for various reasons. Like Mother Theresa for her kindness, humility and generosity. She knew that anything that was to happen would start with her. Imagine being her family, having someone who gave themselves completely to others. She had nothing that most consider important, and yet we revere her. Why? Not just for the good she did. But for her ability to give completely of herself, to hear her own inner answer and live it.
So... I have been thinking about what my own inner answer is. I think it all boils down to "I do". I want to connect with people, learn from people, be a part of something and DO. What I do must reflect who I am, what I am. Its just the way I am. A colleague said to my "I have come to appreciate that you have only one face. You are who you are Krista. No faking". It was a compliment of the highest kind for me.
I am me. I am imperfect, and truly believe that my strengths are also equally weak in certain situations. I am a work in progress. I am trying. I am getting there. I am me.
As often as I seek out that 'perfect job' and tune up my resume. Work hard to get somewhere that I cannot see as of yet..... someone reminded me this morning it will come. It always does. And it is true. Even if I had the perfect resume for the perfect job and the perfect interview.... the reality might be less than perfect if it was not me reflected in all of those things. So I continue onwards being the flawed me working hard to be better. A student in life. Knowing that each experience has a lesson, and as much as I try -- the only things I can control are within myself.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine....
I awoke at 3:30am to my 5 yr old hollering "Mummy, can you snuggle me?". I stumbled out of bed carrying my pillow and snuggled in with her. When the REAL morning rolled around she kissed me and said "Happy Mother's Day Mummy, I love you". Ahhh. Now that is sweet. Have to smile despite not having slept that well for the last 4 hrs!
It has turned out to be a really wonderful day. My Dad actually came out and his wife too. My in-laws, and spouse's family and new little nephew came. My own brother was here, and a cousin came too. I had spent a good hour cooking wonderful muffins and an egg dish-- both which turned out fabulously well. Had a walk with the dog as they cooked. Tidied and cleaned. The world felt organized and nice. Having nice people here, good food, smiles..... all really really warm feeling. So good. Then, off to the first piano recital I have attended for my own child.
Now I sit here in the quiet house, smiling and thinking on just how much I love the people in my life. How in THIS moment, I am happy. Is all perfect? Hell no. But that is okay too! I am happy. Happy that my children are secure and loved. Happy that the sun is shining and plants are growing. Happy that I had the best Mother's day ever. Happy that I am a Mum even though there are DEFINATELY days that I think "what the hell was I thinking" when I decided to procreate!!
It has been such a good day. I can look at my own life with perspective today. Dream about possibilities, but be okay with possible realities.
I love this song. It sums up the way I feel about those I love, and the way I feel embraced by a few of my very special friends. Thank you. What a beautiful day.
It has turned out to be a really wonderful day. My Dad actually came out and his wife too. My in-laws, and spouse's family and new little nephew came. My own brother was here, and a cousin came too. I had spent a good hour cooking wonderful muffins and an egg dish-- both which turned out fabulously well. Had a walk with the dog as they cooked. Tidied and cleaned. The world felt organized and nice. Having nice people here, good food, smiles..... all really really warm feeling. So good. Then, off to the first piano recital I have attended for my own child.
Now I sit here in the quiet house, smiling and thinking on just how much I love the people in my life. How in THIS moment, I am happy. Is all perfect? Hell no. But that is okay too! I am happy. Happy that my children are secure and loved. Happy that the sun is shining and plants are growing. Happy that I had the best Mother's day ever. Happy that I am a Mum even though there are DEFINATELY days that I think "what the hell was I thinking" when I decided to procreate!!
It has been such a good day. I can look at my own life with perspective today. Dream about possibilities, but be okay with possible realities.
I love this song. It sums up the way I feel about those I love, and the way I feel embraced by a few of my very special friends. Thank you. What a beautiful day.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Reality Bites
When it rains, it pours. Just when you think you have had enough, more comes. murphy's law. All of the above seem to apply to me, making me reel.
As if questioning my place in my own life, my purpose, my path was not enough I struggle to balance the demands of the rest of my life. It is when I slow, crap happens. And it did. I had a feeling it was developing for a few days now. Personal stuff and work stuff. Can I just avoid it all??? This is what I would LIKE to do, but I won't. I demand honesty. I need it. I need to know to bare honest truth so that I can weigh it, take the lesson from it and move on.
I am managing that with work issues. Tough when what you deliver is YOURSELF. The reality of the work I do. When complaints come in, they are complaints about YOU, and they always boil down to the essence of who you are. I have been left thinking on whether intelligence, confidence, strong personality, strength, passion are fault or fabulous. My conclusion? Every strength is equally a weakness. Like the rules of relativity. So, can I change who I am? Should I? Should I be concerned with other's reactions to my efforts? As I dig my way through the muck and pain, I think it is a 50/50 thing. Yes, I should strip the stinging criticisms away, and look to the root. How can I improve? Be more accommodating? And learn from what did not work? This allows me to take the lesson and distance the strike at me personally. Isnt it funny how one person complaining can undo all the compliments received previously? Ahhhh. I am working hard to take the good lesson, leave the chaff. It is coming.
Personal stuff, never as clear cut. What is mine? What is theirs? Where am i in this whole thing and where are they? Good is relative to the reality in which you live.... one that you have carefully constructed! I need my honesty, nothing hidden... just straight goods no matter how hurtful. Most others are better knowing the truth, though not the brutal soul crushing parts. Funny that I am willing to take the soul crushing info in order to move forward. Yes unwilling to deliver it as it would stay with me forever. Some things better left unsaid. All I want is clarity.
Why is all this so hard? Is this part of what it means to work through your issues and move towards self awareness and higher consciousness? If so, it really is a shit go. I am sending all the positivity and love that IS within me and I know in time, it will come back. I will not stop loving, trying, striving, learning no matter the harshness of reality. Though, reality really bites sometimes.
As if questioning my place in my own life, my purpose, my path was not enough I struggle to balance the demands of the rest of my life. It is when I slow, crap happens. And it did. I had a feeling it was developing for a few days now. Personal stuff and work stuff. Can I just avoid it all??? This is what I would LIKE to do, but I won't. I demand honesty. I need it. I need to know to bare honest truth so that I can weigh it, take the lesson from it and move on.
I am managing that with work issues. Tough when what you deliver is YOURSELF. The reality of the work I do. When complaints come in, they are complaints about YOU, and they always boil down to the essence of who you are. I have been left thinking on whether intelligence, confidence, strong personality, strength, passion are fault or fabulous. My conclusion? Every strength is equally a weakness. Like the rules of relativity. So, can I change who I am? Should I? Should I be concerned with other's reactions to my efforts? As I dig my way through the muck and pain, I think it is a 50/50 thing. Yes, I should strip the stinging criticisms away, and look to the root. How can I improve? Be more accommodating? And learn from what did not work? This allows me to take the lesson and distance the strike at me personally. Isnt it funny how one person complaining can undo all the compliments received previously? Ahhhh. I am working hard to take the good lesson, leave the chaff. It is coming.
Personal stuff, never as clear cut. What is mine? What is theirs? Where am i in this whole thing and where are they? Good is relative to the reality in which you live.... one that you have carefully constructed! I need my honesty, nothing hidden... just straight goods no matter how hurtful. Most others are better knowing the truth, though not the brutal soul crushing parts. Funny that I am willing to take the soul crushing info in order to move forward. Yes unwilling to deliver it as it would stay with me forever. Some things better left unsaid. All I want is clarity.
Why is all this so hard? Is this part of what it means to work through your issues and move towards self awareness and higher consciousness? If so, it really is a shit go. I am sending all the positivity and love that IS within me and I know in time, it will come back. I will not stop loving, trying, striving, learning no matter the harshness of reality. Though, reality really bites sometimes.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Being Here Now
I am in search of a way to be here, right now, and to be okay with the here and now. Today as I stumbled along doing the usual Monday morning requirements I thought of how hard it is to be in the now when it is not enjoyable. As I walk my kids to school I am completely in the now, enjoying there chatter and comments and the way the sun catching their faces. I was breathing in the smell of cool moisture on blossoming plants after a night rain. Everything was good. Easy to be there at that moment, right?
Then home to my office I walk. When work tasks pile up and I can plough through them and mark them as completed, I am in the now. I like to work. Partly because I have such a challenging job which forces me to engage personally and intellectually. To reach out to others. But when the work backs off in it's demands to where do I turn in the now?
Can I be still and happy? Not sure. Too much time with my thoughts I am learning is not a good thing. Perhaps because I know there are things I 'should' do and am not. This is one thing said to me by a therapist in the past. What happens when you slow down and do less? Hmmm. Not sure I want to know is the answer!
That said, what I do brings me to live in the here. Perhaps not the here that I might need to give attention to.... but the here and now of my children. The here and now of me learning and building a career I love. Trying to do what is right, make good choices. I know there are many things inside me I am not listening to or attending to, but sometimes we just can't. Sometimes we have to put others before our own here and now I think.
Then home to my office I walk. When work tasks pile up and I can plough through them and mark them as completed, I am in the now. I like to work. Partly because I have such a challenging job which forces me to engage personally and intellectually. To reach out to others. But when the work backs off in it's demands to where do I turn in the now?
Can I be still and happy? Not sure. Too much time with my thoughts I am learning is not a good thing. Perhaps because I know there are things I 'should' do and am not. This is one thing said to me by a therapist in the past. What happens when you slow down and do less? Hmmm. Not sure I want to know is the answer!
That said, what I do brings me to live in the here. Perhaps not the here that I might need to give attention to.... but the here and now of my children. The here and now of me learning and building a career I love. Trying to do what is right, make good choices. I know there are many things inside me I am not listening to or attending to, but sometimes we just can't. Sometimes we have to put others before our own here and now I think.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Those people you were meant to meet
Have you ever met someone and knew it wasn't just a coincidence? That you were meant to meet. That you were actually tuning in to something that you couldn't quite understand fully with the limited capacity of the human mind
When opening my blog management page this statement jumped out at me from a blog I enjoy reading. Whoa. Do I ever. I happen to have this feeling that people come and bring lessons into our lives. Often the it is those people you just "know you were meant to meet". That pause seems to happen and you can recall meeting or a turning point from when the exchange between you marked a 'moment'.
Doesn't mean we are not affected by the less earth shaking entries into our lives. We all have friends, even family, acquaintances etc who are lovely and enrich our lives in some way. But they do not hold a significant space in the experiences that have shaped the 'I' of who you currently are. I am lucky, one of those people in my life I can freely say without fear of exposing them is my brother. We connect on an unusual level. That cementing moment when we at ages of 5 and 8, shook hands out in our backyard.... agreeing never to rat the other out to the parents. Always and cover each others back. Turned out to be a damn smart move. But also one that extended well into teenage years and beyond. He's go my back, I got his. He is always honest and to the core, and is able to piss me off more than I think anyone else in the world is capable! But, he gets it. He is the constant of my childhood and is there in many significant moments.
The two closest friends I had in 3rd year University when I lost my Mum were very important to who I became. One wrote me a poem about the "pen being mightier than the sword" and the other gave me a copy of Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet". They gave me space to share academia and ideas freely. They supported and gave love. Helped me in many wise ways and most importantly allowed me space to process the loss and accepted it. Those people were very important. Both came into my life coincidentally in a Lecture Hall at the U of W. No pre-planning. I recall hopping fences and coffee. Paused moments.
I think of my close friend who I met in Tburg. We came from similar family backgrounds, had kids the same ages, similar education. Met many times, yet it was a friendly conversation in an aisle at Shoppers which is the paused moment with her. The moment that the connect was there. This friend is one of the most amazing I have ever had because she gives equally to the friendship. She is loyal and honest and supportive beyond any friend I have met. She is amazing and makes me feel good about myself and our very cool friendship.
I think of the paused moments of others. A smile that connected through a car window. First hi. Someones smile you can always recall.
Or the moment I was finally able to hold my son for the first time and his tiny head fit under my chin and I could cup his diapered bum in one hand between my breasts. A pause. Bedtime snuggles with my sweet pea.
This year has been one of major changes, realizations, challenge and joy. Some really interesting people have helped me learn important lessons. My new job has been instrumental in some big realizations about who I am and my strengths balanced by my weaknesses. Each of these lessons came with a person.
When opening my blog management page this statement jumped out at me from a blog I enjoy reading. Whoa. Do I ever. I happen to have this feeling that people come and bring lessons into our lives. Often the it is those people you just "know you were meant to meet". That pause seems to happen and you can recall meeting or a turning point from when the exchange between you marked a 'moment'.
Doesn't mean we are not affected by the less earth shaking entries into our lives. We all have friends, even family, acquaintances etc who are lovely and enrich our lives in some way. But they do not hold a significant space in the experiences that have shaped the 'I' of who you currently are. I am lucky, one of those people in my life I can freely say without fear of exposing them is my brother. We connect on an unusual level. That cementing moment when we at ages of 5 and 8, shook hands out in our backyard.... agreeing never to rat the other out to the parents. Always and cover each others back. Turned out to be a damn smart move. But also one that extended well into teenage years and beyond. He's go my back, I got his. He is always honest and to the core, and is able to piss me off more than I think anyone else in the world is capable! But, he gets it. He is the constant of my childhood and is there in many significant moments.
The two closest friends I had in 3rd year University when I lost my Mum were very important to who I became. One wrote me a poem about the "pen being mightier than the sword" and the other gave me a copy of Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet". They gave me space to share academia and ideas freely. They supported and gave love. Helped me in many wise ways and most importantly allowed me space to process the loss and accepted it. Those people were very important. Both came into my life coincidentally in a Lecture Hall at the U of W. No pre-planning. I recall hopping fences and coffee. Paused moments.
I think of my close friend who I met in Tburg. We came from similar family backgrounds, had kids the same ages, similar education. Met many times, yet it was a friendly conversation in an aisle at Shoppers which is the paused moment with her. The moment that the connect was there. This friend is one of the most amazing I have ever had because she gives equally to the friendship. She is loyal and honest and supportive beyond any friend I have met. She is amazing and makes me feel good about myself and our very cool friendship.
I think of the paused moments of others. A smile that connected through a car window. First hi. Someones smile you can always recall.
Or the moment I was finally able to hold my son for the first time and his tiny head fit under my chin and I could cup his diapered bum in one hand between my breasts. A pause. Bedtime snuggles with my sweet pea.
This year has been one of major changes, realizations, challenge and joy. Some really interesting people have helped me learn important lessons. My new job has been instrumental in some big realizations about who I am and my strengths balanced by my weaknesses. Each of these lessons came with a person.
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