Nothing is really that revolutionary or new. Someone else has probably already said it, done it or thought it far better than you. Age has taught me, don't bother re-inventing the wheel unless the re-invention is really really fun. I am one of those people who likes quotes and the thoughts that simple words strung together can provoke. Here are a few that struck me today....
“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”
The manager accepts the status quo; the leader challenges it.
- Warren Bennis
Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives.
- Frederick F. Flack
Few is the number who think with their own minds and feel with their own hearts.
- Albert Einstein
It is these quotes that spoke to me today. Their words making me smile, or sigh, or nod. I see myself in these words. What words speak for you?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Welcome to the Rest of your Life!
I feel like there should be someone saying Welcome! This is the rest of your life! Step over the threshold and move forward... Do I dare believe it is true? It is. Here I am. At a desk, a physical space proof of a new position. One that takes each of my past experiences to have gotten me here, where I now sit.
It seems surreal to reach a goal you have set to achieve. Mine was to reach a certain position and here I am. The best part is that goal is not an end, but instead is a beginning. It is the opening of possibilities.... a whole world of learning through hands on doing!
This morning I walked the grounds of the facility I now "run" or "head up" and felt like my feet were firmly connected to the soil. As I read up on the founder I feel a great affinity with her, admiration for her accomplishments and drive to better the lives of those around not just around her, but around the world. A hugely successful woman when women did not do what she did. And yet, a woman descended from an original settler of this very area. Such inspiration!
So... here I am. I tell myself welcome! This is your life. Make it good. With this job I feel no need to justify that "if I do this job it will lead me here or there". Instead I feel like I can just be in and of the moment. Planning for today and building a future within this organization. Hands on. Up to my elbows.
Delicious.
It seems surreal to reach a goal you have set to achieve. Mine was to reach a certain position and here I am. The best part is that goal is not an end, but instead is a beginning. It is the opening of possibilities.... a whole world of learning through hands on doing!
This morning I walked the grounds of the facility I now "run" or "head up" and felt like my feet were firmly connected to the soil. As I read up on the founder I feel a great affinity with her, admiration for her accomplishments and drive to better the lives of those around not just around her, but around the world. A hugely successful woman when women did not do what she did. And yet, a woman descended from an original settler of this very area. Such inspiration!
So... here I am. I tell myself welcome! This is your life. Make it good. With this job I feel no need to justify that "if I do this job it will lead me here or there". Instead I feel like I can just be in and of the moment. Planning for today and building a future within this organization. Hands on. Up to my elbows.
Delicious.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Challenges of Intimacy
If you thought my ponderings on intimacy were going to be sexual... think on! Sure, it goes there eventually but I am not going there this time! LOL!
What is it? As said by the almighty Wickipedia it is a relationship that is characterized by "enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment". It is that something intense, truly connected where you can be wholly yourself.
Simple right? I started thinking about this and wondered what is it that makes intimacy so damn hard? For me... it rests largely on the concept of 'enduring behavioural interdependance'. I don't do this well. Independent to the core, I hesitate to ask for help though I will be the first to offer it to others. As someone who has long felt let down and dissapointed by people I supposedly shared an intimate emotional relationship with, I struggle. The visual that suits me is a little girl trapped inside an adult body. I have the smarts and skills and analytical ability of an adult, yet, that little girl reaches as squashes the well thought out processes of that adult from time to time. It is that little girl who refuses to give up her independance because hey! You do that and you are just asking to get screwed right?? For me this becomes embodied in me being overly capable. Capable of being good Mummy, outwardly good wife, good community citizen, good human being... for the most part. The adult accepts that I do the best I can in each of my roles, the child inside says I am bad and suck. Honesty of children perhaps.
So. Where does that leave me? Today it finds me looking to turn a corner and work on letting intimacy happen. If I can let others in in that way, perhaps things I am missing will come to me. If I can think I am capable of unmasking and letting myself be worthy of love and intimacy maybe it will be so...
The thoughts you think becomes your words
The words you say become your actions
The actions you take become your character
The character you present becomes your future.
I feel strongly that the positive thoughts about my professional abilities allowed my words and actions to create my professional self that my new employer has taken on and allowed me the pleasure to shape my future.
My wish, my dream, my hope? That I can work on the personal intimacy I struggle with. Make it possible so that I can have good relationships with whoever my partner is. Perhaps it is my recognizing my own deficiency that has made me think I am just not meant to be married. But perhaps this is a self defeating thought, and by stopping this thought I am stopping the future being unmarried. If I think positive and I still have unfavourable outcome, at least I will know it is not due to road blocks I created.
What is it? As said by the almighty Wickipedia it is a relationship that is characterized by "enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment". It is that something intense, truly connected where you can be wholly yourself.
Simple right? I started thinking about this and wondered what is it that makes intimacy so damn hard? For me... it rests largely on the concept of 'enduring behavioural interdependance'. I don't do this well. Independent to the core, I hesitate to ask for help though I will be the first to offer it to others. As someone who has long felt let down and dissapointed by people I supposedly shared an intimate emotional relationship with, I struggle. The visual that suits me is a little girl trapped inside an adult body. I have the smarts and skills and analytical ability of an adult, yet, that little girl reaches as squashes the well thought out processes of that adult from time to time. It is that little girl who refuses to give up her independance because hey! You do that and you are just asking to get screwed right?? For me this becomes embodied in me being overly capable. Capable of being good Mummy, outwardly good wife, good community citizen, good human being... for the most part. The adult accepts that I do the best I can in each of my roles, the child inside says I am bad and suck. Honesty of children perhaps.
So. Where does that leave me? Today it finds me looking to turn a corner and work on letting intimacy happen. If I can let others in in that way, perhaps things I am missing will come to me. If I can think I am capable of unmasking and letting myself be worthy of love and intimacy maybe it will be so...
The thoughts you think becomes your words
The words you say become your actions
The actions you take become your character
The character you present becomes your future.
I feel strongly that the positive thoughts about my professional abilities allowed my words and actions to create my professional self that my new employer has taken on and allowed me the pleasure to shape my future.
My wish, my dream, my hope? That I can work on the personal intimacy I struggle with. Make it possible so that I can have good relationships with whoever my partner is. Perhaps it is my recognizing my own deficiency that has made me think I am just not meant to be married. But perhaps this is a self defeating thought, and by stopping this thought I am stopping the future being unmarried. If I think positive and I still have unfavourable outcome, at least I will know it is not due to road blocks I created.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Manifesting Happiness
Know that there is nothing to prove & that the approval of no person except yourself can ultimately free you.
I would like to think that my success in reaching a goal I set for myself professionally is a result of both my hard work and my ability to find security and happiness within myself. In talking with a friend struggling with career decisions I could fully appreciate her position. Yet, I was amazed at how much baggage she carried with her with regards to leaving a past job. She could not be kind to herself and recognize that even though she misses that job, it was a good decision at that time. It was one made for herself. It is like she is chastising herself still and in doing so she is is paralyzing herself with doubts, fears and worry. I tried really hard to make her see the incredible person I see from the outside. That her fears are only in her own mind and that they are limiting. It is so powerful to take those limiting fears and eliminate them by finding answers or ways around them. Then, when faced with what you want you must decide do I really want it? Did I construct those road blocks for a reason?
In some ways I am recognizing that the work I have done over the past year (and more to be truthful) to be authentic has forced me to shed those limiting thoughts. That no one else can validate me. No one else can MAKE me happy. No one else can improve my life but me. It is my responsibility. What a scary reality that is eh? So much easier to blame our past for our insecurities, others for our feelings of alienation, our families or spouses for not being happy. It is all BULLS**T! To really look inside ourselves and be honest is terrifying. But also strengthening. If no one can tell you something you do not know and accept about yourself... when critisized you are stung, but you have the perspective to decide whether it is accurate or just them projecting their own insecurities.
As I pursue this growth of person I am amazed by the number of people willing to go through life in an un-authentic way. Those people just wander on willy nilly not ever looking deeper. I myself am so far from full acceptance. I struggle with insecurities and the urge to look outside for validation. Freeing myself from my own self limiting behaviours is something I strive for each day. Is ignorance bliss? Sometimes. Perhaps. Yet, when we think about people we admire who seem truly happy (Dalai Lama anyone??) it is this very self acceptance they have achieved. It does not mean they are perfect or have never made mistakes. It means they have the ability to accept the lessons, the mistakes and learn from them. Move forward. And to act in a way that is true to themselves and in gentleness.
I would like to think that my success in reaching a goal I set for myself professionally is a result of both my hard work and my ability to find security and happiness within myself. In talking with a friend struggling with career decisions I could fully appreciate her position. Yet, I was amazed at how much baggage she carried with her with regards to leaving a past job. She could not be kind to herself and recognize that even though she misses that job, it was a good decision at that time. It was one made for herself. It is like she is chastising herself still and in doing so she is is paralyzing herself with doubts, fears and worry. I tried really hard to make her see the incredible person I see from the outside. That her fears are only in her own mind and that they are limiting. It is so powerful to take those limiting fears and eliminate them by finding answers or ways around them. Then, when faced with what you want you must decide do I really want it? Did I construct those road blocks for a reason?
In some ways I am recognizing that the work I have done over the past year (and more to be truthful) to be authentic has forced me to shed those limiting thoughts. That no one else can validate me. No one else can MAKE me happy. No one else can improve my life but me. It is my responsibility. What a scary reality that is eh? So much easier to blame our past for our insecurities, others for our feelings of alienation, our families or spouses for not being happy. It is all BULLS**T! To really look inside ourselves and be honest is terrifying. But also strengthening. If no one can tell you something you do not know and accept about yourself... when critisized you are stung, but you have the perspective to decide whether it is accurate or just them projecting their own insecurities.
As I pursue this growth of person I am amazed by the number of people willing to go through life in an un-authentic way. Those people just wander on willy nilly not ever looking deeper. I myself am so far from full acceptance. I struggle with insecurities and the urge to look outside for validation. Freeing myself from my own self limiting behaviours is something I strive for each day. Is ignorance bliss? Sometimes. Perhaps. Yet, when we think about people we admire who seem truly happy (Dalai Lama anyone??) it is this very self acceptance they have achieved. It does not mean they are perfect or have never made mistakes. It means they have the ability to accept the lessons, the mistakes and learn from them. Move forward. And to act in a way that is true to themselves and in gentleness.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Waiting....
And so I continue to wait. Wait and see if either of the jobs in front of me are truly mine or not. Waiting to see how I will go forward with my career and life. Waiting for things to unfold. Waiting.... ugh. I never was very patient.
If there is power in positive thinking and believing in yourself.... I am working on that. I felt so negative and discouraged on Friday. Brought to my knees, crying in the dark to myself. Feeling shaken, and reduced to not knowing where to turn. Saturday morning I felt the same, yet as the day progressed and conversations with others unfolded a new awareness came to me. What will be will be. I cannot control others, only myself. I can only be me, and even when I put on a good "show" for an interview etc... I am only me in the end. Me, with all my imperfections and flaws. The things I see so readily in myself and am always trying to improve upon. With a push from S and D, people who always remind me of my positives - I decided to change my energy. I am going to believe that the job is mine. I AM THE RIGHT ONE!!! I know this from my depths. I should be proud that I have been selected as one of two remaining candidates. So, now I focus on creating the same positive energies that S and D are sending out there....... that this job is mine. My time is now. Doors are opening.
It is the number of times I have been in this same spot of it being me or someone else that makes me negative. A somewhat unnatural state for me. I have been screwed, passed over and generally missed out every time in the past it seems. Always when I really care. Sure, I grew from those situations but nonetheless it makes it so hard to believe in oneself. BUT! I will try. I am trying. Be strong, focused and positive. I am working hard to open career possibilities and have to believe the universe will open itself to me.
If there is power in positive thinking and believing in yourself.... I am working on that. I felt so negative and discouraged on Friday. Brought to my knees, crying in the dark to myself. Feeling shaken, and reduced to not knowing where to turn. Saturday morning I felt the same, yet as the day progressed and conversations with others unfolded a new awareness came to me. What will be will be. I cannot control others, only myself. I can only be me, and even when I put on a good "show" for an interview etc... I am only me in the end. Me, with all my imperfections and flaws. The things I see so readily in myself and am always trying to improve upon. With a push from S and D, people who always remind me of my positives - I decided to change my energy. I am going to believe that the job is mine. I AM THE RIGHT ONE!!! I know this from my depths. I should be proud that I have been selected as one of two remaining candidates. So, now I focus on creating the same positive energies that S and D are sending out there....... that this job is mine. My time is now. Doors are opening.
It is the number of times I have been in this same spot of it being me or someone else that makes me negative. A somewhat unnatural state for me. I have been screwed, passed over and generally missed out every time in the past it seems. Always when I really care. Sure, I grew from those situations but nonetheless it makes it so hard to believe in oneself. BUT! I will try. I am trying. Be strong, focused and positive. I am working hard to open career possibilities and have to believe the universe will open itself to me.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Tell me what you want.....
whatcha really really want.... are you singing along yet? Go Spice Girls Go! Laughing now?
I have the "really really want" taste in my mouth. I have seen a glimpse of my possible future. In a job. Oh yes. As one of those nutbars who needs to have a job that MEANS something and expresses themselves through it, this job is ideal. I saw the posting and honestly thought THIS JOB WAS MADE FOR ME!! It pulls my teaching, my work with the Dairy Farmers, with 4-H, my work on Boards and now my Volunteer Management Certificate into one lovely package. They NEED me. I can do this. The potential is so huge I almost salivate.
Some would be daunted and terrified at the sheer volume of possibilities. Not this cat! I itch to sit down and brain storm with the staff. To pick and poke their brains. Then to map out those possibilities and see what holds true potential. To create, rebuild, rejeuvenate and make this facility the jewel it really is. To have so much opportunity for positive creative impact makes me feel like a starving person who has laid eyes on a feast. One that would sustain for years and years.
Today in interview number two, I felt good vibes. Like the HR person was gunning on my behalf and like the Chairman wanted to offer it to me there. When I left and saw the next candidate in a suit I almost laughed. A suit? To tour the property of a working farm? Will he pet the goats? Feed the pigs or explore the straw area?? Ah. Now to find the patience to wait until word on Friday.
Let it be me
(this is not a fighting song)
Let it be me
(not a wrong for a wrong)
Let it be me
If the world is night
Shine my life like a light
-Indigo Girls-
I have the "really really want" taste in my mouth. I have seen a glimpse of my possible future. In a job. Oh yes. As one of those nutbars who needs to have a job that MEANS something and expresses themselves through it, this job is ideal. I saw the posting and honestly thought THIS JOB WAS MADE FOR ME!! It pulls my teaching, my work with the Dairy Farmers, with 4-H, my work on Boards and now my Volunteer Management Certificate into one lovely package. They NEED me. I can do this. The potential is so huge I almost salivate.
Some would be daunted and terrified at the sheer volume of possibilities. Not this cat! I itch to sit down and brain storm with the staff. To pick and poke their brains. Then to map out those possibilities and see what holds true potential. To create, rebuild, rejeuvenate and make this facility the jewel it really is. To have so much opportunity for positive creative impact makes me feel like a starving person who has laid eyes on a feast. One that would sustain for years and years.
Today in interview number two, I felt good vibes. Like the HR person was gunning on my behalf and like the Chairman wanted to offer it to me there. When I left and saw the next candidate in a suit I almost laughed. A suit? To tour the property of a working farm? Will he pet the goats? Feed the pigs or explore the straw area?? Ah. Now to find the patience to wait until word on Friday.
Let it be me
(this is not a fighting song)
Let it be me
(not a wrong for a wrong)
Let it be me
If the world is night
Shine my life like a light
-Indigo Girls-
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