And so I continue to wait. Wait and see if either of the jobs in front of me are truly mine or not. Waiting to see how I will go forward with my career and life. Waiting for things to unfold. Waiting.... ugh. I never was very patient.
If there is power in positive thinking and believing in yourself.... I am working on that. I felt so negative and discouraged on Friday. Brought to my knees, crying in the dark to myself. Feeling shaken, and reduced to not knowing where to turn. Saturday morning I felt the same, yet as the day progressed and conversations with others unfolded a new awareness came to me. What will be will be. I cannot control others, only myself. I can only be me, and even when I put on a good "show" for an interview etc... I am only me in the end. Me, with all my imperfections and flaws. The things I see so readily in myself and am always trying to improve upon. With a push from S and D, people who always remind me of my positives - I decided to change my energy. I am going to believe that the job is mine. I AM THE RIGHT ONE!!! I know this from my depths. I should be proud that I have been selected as one of two remaining candidates. So, now I focus on creating the same positive energies that S and D are sending out there....... that this job is mine. My time is now. Doors are opening.
It is the number of times I have been in this same spot of it being me or someone else that makes me negative. A somewhat unnatural state for me. I have been screwed, passed over and generally missed out every time in the past it seems. Always when I really care. Sure, I grew from those situations but nonetheless it makes it so hard to believe in oneself. BUT! I will try. I am trying. Be strong, focused and positive. I am working hard to open career possibilities and have to believe the universe will open itself to me.
