So it appears as I read on today and really thought deeply (courtesy of the book who prompted the last post) that happiness may 'run in a circular motion' but my life runs in a triangular motion.
HUH? you say... well apparently, situations where stress is present often result in us having relationships that are a triangle. I thought this a novel idea, and got out my journal and started at my childhood. I quickly thought of triangle after triangle of unresolved conflicts where I am a player, some that resolved, but many that remain unresolved. Dang. This was supposed to be a LITTLE bit easier, this self discovery. Hah hah hah. So now I am supposed to learn my role in these triangles. Do I act as the overfunctioning one, the underfunctioner, what do I gain? Or what have I lost? How can I change the dynamics of these situations? After all, we cannot change others. Just change ourselves and hope others follow on their own paths with us.
When I look dispassionately at my childhood through early adulthood I see patterns. I see foundational cracks. But I also see cleverly built supports. But now I want to be truly *me*. To take ownership for what was and guide my life towards what can be and I deserve to build for myself.
Along this path of change I am reminded : "What we do naturally takes us in the wrong direction. As we have seen, our normal and reflexive ways of managing anxiety/change inevitably lead us to participate in patterns, polarities and triangles that keep us painfully stuck. Every courageous act of change requires a move toward greater selfhood. One where we are forced to give up our non-productive efforts and move forward." Harriet Lerner, PhD.
