And who knows, I may even be engaging in a confirmation bias by feeling releived that there is a scientific explanation for the puzzling over people I have been doing!
So, confirmation bias eh? What is it? Quite simple actually. It is our own tendency to look for, put too much weight on, and recall preferentially information which supports our pre-existing or initial hypothesis.
WHAT you say?? How does this apply to your thinking on people? Quite simply, we see what we want to see and ignore for a long time that which we don't. We create an ideal person or mate or friend where perhaps the less than ideal traits in reality outweigh the fabulous. Now you get it.
Yup, I know I am guilty of this. My highly empathetic nature and willingness to looking deeply at a person to assess them is a great thing, at times. It allows me to see and appreciate even those people who are awful on the outside. It is also a drawback as it can make me overly sensitive. I am guilty though of acting on those initial "vibes" and feelings I get. From someone's energy and person. All of a sudden I began to see how just maybe, I had done this in a couple of significant relationships in the last while.
As we evolve and become more self aware we understand our needs and wants better. That said, we still fall prey to this confirmation bias. We meet that person who demonstrates an ability to fufill the need currently on our mind. At that moment we decide ahhhh... this clicks. Time goes by and we ignore the differences until they get prickly. As we pull away we are able to be more objective. And here is where that saying "hindsight is 20/20". With hindsight, we are able to examine our recollections and recognize their selectivity. Ahh.
So here is the question? How the heck do I avoid this with people so as not to get hurt? Not sure you can. But recognizing it, appreciating it and seeing it around me makes me more aware of my own limitations which maybe, might be protection in itself.
For more info : Science Daily
