I was recently told I was guarded. Guarded with my personal feelings. And my first response was ME? GUARDED? Then as I thought I realized that in my openness and willingness to share ideas and outward reality I do perhaps, guard a part of myself. It is that part of me that is fragile, needy, and with a cracked and damaged surface. The little girl inside me.
It makes me wonder a bit what it might be like to live on the 'other' side of things. How would life play out if I let that inner self out, was open and let people see the cracked and delicate me? Unlikely though, that this will ever happen. As much as being guarded serves a very real purpose, I have realized that having someone see beyond this is what I desire. Is it a catch 22 however? I want someone to see beyond this protective cover, yet perhaps I have constructed a shell that is impenetrable. My walls too high to scale. Once, not that long ago.... there was someone who got through these walls and I felt bare when he looked at me. Bare, and safe. Letting him go was so hard. So very, very hard. "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If not, it was never meant to be". Wise words, hard to appreciate when you have tasted what you desire and know it is not yours to have right now.
That said, potential always exists. People come in and out of our life. All with a purpose, all leaving marks on our soul....
