And someone asked : What would you change, if you could go back to that moment when you made that choice? I think I would counter: Do you get to go back with the knowledge of now or only then, when you go back? I think this is the key. We all have made less than stellar choices in our lives. If we could go back where would we change the direction of the path?
Hmmm. I have thought about this. There are many things I regret doing, and many I regret not doing. That being said, I am here where I am because of where I was and what I chose. Those choices were mine and I made them with the knowledge and skills I posessed at that moment. They then shaped who I became. If I went back and changed those experiences, what I might end up with is a person I like even less!
I guess what I am saying is that each decision we make has the potential to be just right or just plain wrong. They say the best opportunities present themselves in the guise of a disastrous event or challenge. They also say not to let tragedy teach you what really matters. And so I say hmmmm again. My choices have been mine and whether right or wrong I have paid the price or collected the rewards. The decisions I make today seem so much more monumental with two pairs of young eyes looking to me for guidance. Whether I have nothing financially, or everything it matters little. My parents had far less than my children and turned out just fine. Happiness, love and honesty seem to be the keys. Being happy enough to show your children how to find their own. Being brave enough to love, risking getting hurt because being lonely is far worse. Being honest enough to admit your wrongs and try to right them, to gently guide when you can and be true and honest to you.
Would I go back and change? No. I am where I am. There are places I would have liked to go and experiences I would have liked to have. But there are many I can do now, and many more ahead of me. Looking backwards too much keeps you stuck, 'cause you cannot see the opportunities ahead of you!
I hardly think of myself as a daring person. But I am willing to try and accept failure or mistakes. Every day places choices in front of me. Not always am I actively engaging in them. Grey November seems to stall me in my tracks. But, when the motivation comes I think I can move forward again... waiting and open to the answers.... the answers for what lies ahead. Not what is behind and can no longer be changed.
