Ever had those moments where at the time everything seemed the norm, yet later you shake your head? I had a few like that today. As 3 fairly important local business people sat in my small office and tossed about ideas, me as an equal communicating my mission and goals, all felt normal. Yet now, hours later I think "holy cow! I sat there, was treated as an equal!!! Someone worthy of consideration. Was offered guidance. WOW!"
Sometimes we are stuck feeling like that little kid still. I have made it. Made it to a place where I am connecting with people who can help me realize some dreams. Made it to a place where with the help of others almost anything is impossible. Made it to a place where I attempt to straddle profit and social profit. Made it to a place where I have enough experience to carry some weight to my ideas. Not just a kid anymore.
Okay, I do realize there is responsibility with this. The wildest part? I do not see this as a stepping stone at all. I am fully in the moment and loving the now! Connected to it, passionate about it and invigorated with the possibilities.
Funny, but I can see how my enthusiasm, passion and drive would scare some people especially men. And I am good with that. Why you ask? Mostly because I am realizing that we cannot apologize for who we are or what we are. When we draw people to us who want to share in this, and are as excited about the potential world out there as you are.... it can be amazing. They add to the colour, depth and flavour of things! They are so well worth waiting for. Ahhhh.
More please!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
A woman of contrast...
Lately I have been thinking the best way I can describe who I am is a woman of contrast. There are so many things about me that seem one way, yet are really another. My strengths are my weakness, and my dreams are my reality, though I wish the reality was more dreamy at times!
Some of those contrasts are...
.... capable and strong. Independant and fearless. Yet fearful of becoming too dependent and yet again being put aside.
.... good at lots of things, what a multi-tasker you think! Yet, not an expert at anything and oddly enough -- cool with that.
.... deep thinker and cerebral. Yet can be as silly as a 4 yr old child and as crass as they come.
.... expect a lot from myself and set the bar high. Yet I do not hold others to my standards and instead accept what it is they are capable of.
.... bold and sassy woman, yet deeply empathetic and easily hurt.
.... love beautiful and pricey items yet happy with a beach found treasure. I weigh need verses want consciously.
.... have values and beliefs I hold as important and really do try to live them. I hate bottled water, I am conscious of my food choices and the energy my existence consumes. Yet, I am not rigid. There is a time and place for everything.
.... am a very affectionate and loving person. Touchy feely with my kids. Yet, I max out on touching sometimes and feel drained. I have a high need for personal space.
.... there are few questions I would not answer honestly. Yet, for all my openness there is much that is guarded.
As I walk a path openly inviting a walking partner to join me intimately, I wonder just how I should act. Be more one dimensional? Be fine with the complexities? Not worry about the darkness or light but dance in the mist of sunrise or sunset.... that in-between space that is like grey?
While others are day, or night.... I am neither. I am the space between. Not quite one or the other, never exactly fitting. The space that sits in the sliver of consciousness resting between either concrete time. Not quite one, or the other. A bit of both. Contrast.
Some of those contrasts are...
.... capable and strong. Independant and fearless. Yet fearful of becoming too dependent and yet again being put aside.
.... good at lots of things, what a multi-tasker you think! Yet, not an expert at anything and oddly enough -- cool with that.
.... deep thinker and cerebral. Yet can be as silly as a 4 yr old child and as crass as they come.
.... expect a lot from myself and set the bar high. Yet I do not hold others to my standards and instead accept what it is they are capable of.
.... bold and sassy woman, yet deeply empathetic and easily hurt.
.... love beautiful and pricey items yet happy with a beach found treasure. I weigh need verses want consciously.
.... have values and beliefs I hold as important and really do try to live them. I hate bottled water, I am conscious of my food choices and the energy my existence consumes. Yet, I am not rigid. There is a time and place for everything.
.... am a very affectionate and loving person. Touchy feely with my kids. Yet, I max out on touching sometimes and feel drained. I have a high need for personal space.
.... there are few questions I would not answer honestly. Yet, for all my openness there is much that is guarded.
As I walk a path openly inviting a walking partner to join me intimately, I wonder just how I should act. Be more one dimensional? Be fine with the complexities? Not worry about the darkness or light but dance in the mist of sunrise or sunset.... that in-between space that is like grey?
While others are day, or night.... I am neither. I am the space between. Not quite one or the other, never exactly fitting. The space that sits in the sliver of consciousness resting between either concrete time. Not quite one, or the other. A bit of both. Contrast.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Make it AWESOME!
And I mean awesome in the way it was meant to be used. As a word of significance and power. One which evokes something in your gut. Not just a passing comment about something that can pass as run of the mill.
Make your own life awesome, awe inspiring, or just plain ol' damn good. Find out what you do well, and do it. Be who you are and always strive to be better. Choose relationships that build on the positive, not the negative. Recognize all the opportunities in your day where you can smile! Instead of matching someone else's negative attitude with your own, pass it by. Feel sympathy even that they are stuck there and not able to work it through and let it go. Do these and feel awesome. Sure, we sometimes wake up tired, hardly awe inspiring. But, can you still do things during that tired day that build you towards a life of meaning, fufillment and love? Definately.
Some people bring the desire to be better out in us. Recently I met someone who has a unique ability to make me pause and see the great strides I have already made towards creating my own personal awesome. They have held up a mirror where sometimes (not always!) am I able to see myself the way they do or others do. WOW. Sometimes a wee bit mind bending. It is with their love, appreciation, support and positive personality that I am swept up and made to see the steps I have taken and not get overwhelmed with the barriers I am currently facing.
From Neil Young....
Tomorrow is a long long time
if you're a memory
Trying to find peace of mind
Spirit come back to me,
Give me strength and set me free
Let me hear the magic in my heart.
Love and only love
will endure
Hate is everything
you think it is
Love and only love
will break it down
Love and only love,
will break it down
Break it down, break it down.
Make your own life awesome, awe inspiring, or just plain ol' damn good. Find out what you do well, and do it. Be who you are and always strive to be better. Choose relationships that build on the positive, not the negative. Recognize all the opportunities in your day where you can smile! Instead of matching someone else's negative attitude with your own, pass it by. Feel sympathy even that they are stuck there and not able to work it through and let it go. Do these and feel awesome. Sure, we sometimes wake up tired, hardly awe inspiring. But, can you still do things during that tired day that build you towards a life of meaning, fufillment and love? Definately.
Some people bring the desire to be better out in us. Recently I met someone who has a unique ability to make me pause and see the great strides I have already made towards creating my own personal awesome. They have held up a mirror where sometimes (not always!) am I able to see myself the way they do or others do. WOW. Sometimes a wee bit mind bending. It is with their love, appreciation, support and positive personality that I am swept up and made to see the steps I have taken and not get overwhelmed with the barriers I am currently facing.
From Neil Young....
Tomorrow is a long long time
if you're a memory
Trying to find peace of mind
Spirit come back to me,
Give me strength and set me free
Let me hear the magic in my heart.
Love and only love
will endure
Hate is everything
you think it is
Love and only love
will break it down
Love and only love,
will break it down
Break it down, break it down.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Beautifully Said
From Pablo Neruda... some words changed by me.
IV
You will remember the lapping of the waves
where sweet emotions began
and sometimes a bird, wearing water
and slowness, its winter feathers.
You will remember those gifts of your body;
indelible scents, silken edges,
trunks rising around us as wind whipped
magical moments like thorns
You'll remember the moments you took,
park benches and sculptures
reaching out in unfettered
like you wished to
That time was like never, and like always.
So we go there, where nothing is waiting;
We find everything waiting there.
...... I love Pablo Neruda's words and emotion. As I thought on a moment of great significance in my life I thought how to communicate this using words. Using words as I move on with my heart, my head conjuring phrases to capture and immortalize the moment....
IV
You will remember the lapping of the waves
where sweet emotions began
and sometimes a bird, wearing water
and slowness, its winter feathers.
You will remember those gifts of your body;
indelible scents, silken edges,
trunks rising around us as wind whipped
magical moments like thorns
You'll remember the moments you took,
park benches and sculptures
reaching out in unfettered
like you wished to
That time was like never, and like always.
So we go there, where nothing is waiting;
We find everything waiting there.
...... I love Pablo Neruda's words and emotion. As I thought on a moment of great significance in my life I thought how to communicate this using words. Using words as I move on with my heart, my head conjuring phrases to capture and immortalize the moment....
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Living, Learning, Loving
I think there is a book with the title of Living, Learning, Loving. It seems right for a title right now. I have been so incredibly busy with life, finding but a moment to stop and write here has almost been impossible! I have been living my life fully and trying to experience each moment. Living my job is part of who I am, and it gives me incredible satisfaction. For me, my job is not just a job but instead an opportunity that an organization has given me to live out my passion to educate and connect communities to new ideas and knowledge. When I have the chance each day to support this why would I NOT be driven to live each moment fully?
Work also provides ample chances for learning. Managing others is a learning curve for me. Determining how much training is needed when you balance out people's desire for control and input into their individual jobs. Making the shift from the educator to manager has been more challenging than I anticipated! It has made me appreciate my own skill as an educator, and also attempt to incorporate my true belief in people into a managerial style.
Personally I continue to learn to balance work and life. Challenged daily to be a better Mummy, to be fully present and loving. Learning to open oneself up again is also a lesson. Sometimes it seems we open up too soon, other times it feels impossible no matter how much we desire it. It feels good to learn what it is that we need emotionally, mentally, and to feel comfortable recognizing that many people are wonderful but just not good for you. Learning means accessing knowledge. Knowledge is powerful. More powerful when you are able to use that knowledge when it is most applicable....
And I am using that knowledge in how I love. Being honest with what I need, what I want, what I am willing to let go and what I am willing to move towards. Loving your children, your friends, your pets is easy. Allowing someone into the darker recesses of your heart is so much harder. More complicated. Without the purity of the love for your children, the simplicity of true friendships, that intimate and soul-revealing love is so challenging. In my living, I have learned, that loving is not always simple. Loving intimately requires letting go.
Regularly it crosses my mind that in both the good and bad of my life there have been lessons. Lessons that have made me ready to be where I am now. Ready to open up to loving and being loved while completely exposing my inner self.
Work also provides ample chances for learning. Managing others is a learning curve for me. Determining how much training is needed when you balance out people's desire for control and input into their individual jobs. Making the shift from the educator to manager has been more challenging than I anticipated! It has made me appreciate my own skill as an educator, and also attempt to incorporate my true belief in people into a managerial style.
Personally I continue to learn to balance work and life. Challenged daily to be a better Mummy, to be fully present and loving. Learning to open oneself up again is also a lesson. Sometimes it seems we open up too soon, other times it feels impossible no matter how much we desire it. It feels good to learn what it is that we need emotionally, mentally, and to feel comfortable recognizing that many people are wonderful but just not good for you. Learning means accessing knowledge. Knowledge is powerful. More powerful when you are able to use that knowledge when it is most applicable....
And I am using that knowledge in how I love. Being honest with what I need, what I want, what I am willing to let go and what I am willing to move towards. Loving your children, your friends, your pets is easy. Allowing someone into the darker recesses of your heart is so much harder. More complicated. Without the purity of the love for your children, the simplicity of true friendships, that intimate and soul-revealing love is so challenging. In my living, I have learned, that loving is not always simple. Loving intimately requires letting go.
Regularly it crosses my mind that in both the good and bad of my life there have been lessons. Lessons that have made me ready to be where I am now. Ready to open up to loving and being loved while completely exposing my inner self.
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