Start afresh. Whew. Now there is a thought. It sounds so damn appealing and I thought "yeah yeah yeah" but when I slowed it occurred to me. Could you erase ALL the emails in you account and start fresh? Would you get rid of all the piled up stuff sitting on the desk and say "hey, its been there X number of days and I have not used it so far..." or can you just close the door on a relationship and say "fini"?
Surely everyone will differ in their answer but most of us would say no. Me too. But, her blog came at an interesting turning point where to some degree I am starting fresh. Today. What will I choose? Where will I go? Who will I be? Thank heavens most of these things are predetermined to some degree by life circumstances. To have to REALLY start fresh would be pretty terrifying. No family, friends, history etc. Amazing how we rely on our history. Others knowledge of us and the stories we have created and choose to uphold. Some relationships are nothing but that story we pretend is real even though if we chose to be honest with ourselves, the reality is as insubstantial as mist when compared with the story we have chosen to adhere to.
Many people right now are confused with what is going on with my choices in life. But others who know me deeply and with clarity (not the mist of story) understand. It is scary and good at the same time. Relief, regret, anxiety, happiness, respect, appreciation are all feelings that come to the tip of my tongue quickly at this moment in my life. I am not starting afresh 100%, but enough to feel the thrill and apprehension.
At the edge of the ocean.... I throw myself into the water.....
Good I swim well!
