Lesson 133: The Pursuit of Money (See Lessons from the Monk I Married link to the right)
The author of this blog says in this article "Everything in the world is energy. If you are waiting around to get the money you need to do what you want, you may be waiting forever. Do what makes you happy RIGHT NOW. If you are doing what makes you truly happy, chances are it will make others happy, too. Instead of running down the money-dead-end-street, you enter the pool of infinite exchange."
I could not agree more. When I started out as a teacher I felt this exchange of energy. The connection with those I helped to learn. I felt daily the sense of challenge, love of the exchange between learner and teacher, and the importance of my small impacts. As time passed, this dissapeared. It was replaced with the weight of finding that permanent position, the steady paycheck, benefits. That was when it all went in the crapper. I often blame the changes in the system, but you know what? This article made me rethink that. The system changes were only part of the bigger picture.
From there I pursued a passion of mine that resurfaced after over a decade of dormancy. The desire to make societal impact via non-profit work. As a job. This meant giving up the possibility of steady paycheck, pursuing that pension etc. When I finally got my foot in the door I felt as if the world opened up to me again. All this inner energy in me connected with the external. I felt passion for work, life, learning. The transition certainly was not financial! 3 days teaching would have netted me more $$ than a full week in current position. The thing is... I realize I DON'T CARE! I may like things, or security, or an image but when I stop I realize it really does NOT matter. I am just not one of those people.
This past year has connected me deeply to my inner wise woman, my crone! I feel more certain about who I am. Though there are times I feel the wavering self-esteem, I am able to recognize them and not necessarily soothe it but reason myself out of obsessing. Pursuing a useless path. I know happiness for me, lies within me. I can only hope my honesty of self, commitment to pursuing "real" will spark those around me to share the pleasure in the journey or begin their own. My ability to see the greatness in others, their harnessed potential, their inner light sometimes gives me dissapointment when people don't live up to their potential. But, I also realized very recently that one of my roles in this life is to provide the mirror for others to see this. If I think on the people I have affected by encouraging them in an artistic pursuit, to go after a specific job, to take a step towards something good for them personally... it makes me feel good. I have no ownership, no claim to fame. But I know I was a part of some small moment when a new possibility opened for them. SO for this reason, I will continue to see the best in people and ignore the potential for me to be dissapointed. I will look past their stuff, their trappings, their situation and see that deeper possibility and hold the light to it with only the wish that they too will see the wonderful person I do.
