I sometimes think of Atlas. And laugh to myself, that the Greeks chose a man to carry the weight of the world. But then again, it was the physical weight he was sentenced to bear for his threats and aggressive behaviour, not the emotional weight. Leave the emotional weight to a woman. We know the weight of guilt laid, or guilt held. Apologies left stuck deep and remaining unsaid, weightily sitting deep in the pit of your stomach. Or the weight of love lost, or the relief of all weight with love found. Ah yes, a woman is an emotional scale keeper. Exact in her knowledge.
Isnt it funny how knowing something, and doing it are two very different things? We women may know the weight of a choice in academic terms, yet are incapable of not listening to our less rational emotional brain. Then we are weighted down. Ah, for all the expertise, even the scale keeper must miscalculate sometimes.
How I envy those able to toss aside the weighty load. To share it with their 'god', or relieve it with a 'hail mary', or reason it away, or perhaps just have a limited depth and just not care.
And yet, it is those loads that have forced me to stumble many a time. To stop, assess the packing job and what to toss. Sometimes those stumbles have added additional weight while other times the load got lighter. Sometimes the stumbles have lead to great joy, discovery, love and learning. Other times pain and desperation.
The weight remains mine to bear. How I shoulder it, when I let it go, and what I add to the load are all up to me. May the energies of the universe give me the grace to do what is right, make choices that lead to lightness of being and gratitude for what I have.
