Gotta dream a dream...

And according to my standards, this dream is still in a bit of the fantasy category as I have yet to start making any plans to take me there.  No roadmap devised as of yet.  So what is this dream??  A variation of the long standing fantasy.... the dream of owning a few acres and building a "green" home.  Grey water recovery, low energy requirements and construction that is reflective of the area.  Y'know, using those rammed earth, local materials, or straw bale construction.  Boy, has green construction come a long way since I first came across straw bale and environmental systems at an outdoor centre I worked at over 10 years ago.

It's funny, I have been fascinated with the whole concept of green building for some time.  But, it was with the past couple of jobs I have had that I have come to truly appreciate the potential importance of green building.  To be able to get as far away from dependence on conventional systems is increasingly appealing to me.  Am I turning into one of those wild eyed, crazy idea'd, apocalyptic people?  No.  Highly unlikely.  I am however increasingly aware of the unchecked growth of our society and its unsustainable nature.

So I dream my dream.  A dream of independence.  A dream of a lighter environmental footprint and sustainable future.  Independent yet still connected to a community.  One where interdependence creates stronger ties and goes against the Walmart's and strip malls of today.  A sort of back to the future dream.  Where what was good about the past is combined with the technology of today.  Really integrating our knowledge instead of ignoring the wisdom of other cultures and times, to blindly push forward.

A dream of a personal space that is in rhythm with the earth, meets the needs of my life, and is a part of a bigger picture where society moves toward a more connected and ethically conscious.  A dream, a fantasy..... whatever it is, its mine.

A woman of substance.... A woman of contrasts...

Time passes quickly by. Minutes blending quickly into the form of a day, weeks into months marked by seasonal changes. For me, it is the changes in weather that seem to demarcate the passing of time and much less the rigidity of a calendar.

Our recent snowfall was one of these “time passing” moments. Suddenly it was winter. Summer long past and fall a seeming blip on the screen. Walking through the fields and having light snow at my feet and not the lush green I had started with. It made me stop and realize that wow.... my life has really changed dramatically in the past 6 months. That to dream is to think of possibilities and to try to make those dreams reality is to live within the space of your heart. When I do this, I have a feeling of wholeness. My John Deere experience definitely triggered this. John Deere you say? As in green tractor? Why yes.... indeed.

This snowfall meant my workspace out of doors needed clearing. Waiting not being my strong suit, I figured I would go and take a look-see at the tractor with the snowblower attachment. How hard could it be to figure it out? So, with a little trial and error I got that bad boy running and the blower working. There I was, me, sitting astride the tractor (albeit a small one!) blowing snow out of the laneway. Who would have thought that I, oh one of two degrees, certificates etc etc.... would be mucking out sheep stalls and snowblowing laneways?

The funny part is the ease with which I slide from mucking a sheep stall, clearing snow to pitching our organizational vision and building partnerships. Building workable budgets and accessing government funding are all under my umbrella of duties. Along with the snow and sheep. I love it. So many people would shake their heads at my love of this. That I can go to the Symphony and wear formal attire, or ride a tractor-- all the while smiling and being no one but me. Crazy me. Weird wild me. And man, it feels good to be no one but me.

Yes, I was inordinately proud of my ability to get that tractor going. I admit it. Silly girl. But, it is that stuff of believing you can. Going for it. Living that dream and accepting that should you fail, you at least tried and you own THAT! Ask yourself..... how much of your life do you own? Are you going for it? Are you on stage or always waiting for your chance – doing the dress rehearsal again and again? Could you die in your sleep tonight and be okay with the imprint you have left behind???

Who do we trust?

The organization of human beings into a social collective is a strange weird wild thing.  We in pairs or small familial groups are able to govern ourselves.  As the group grows, the need for rules and regulations increases in order to stay in "order".  We then have to devise a system of how to transfer the responsibility to govern this social collective to one person or a group of people.  How do we decide?  And then how are we to ensure that they truly will carry out that which is in our best interests?

All this thought has been brought to the surface by my thinking out how I "feel" about the wikileaks kafuffle and the response of various governments.  My though process today has been brought to something my mother said to me "don't say anything you are not willing to stand behind and say directly to those you are talking about".  So what if the US Ambassador called Putin an "alpha dog"?  Isn't it true?  When is keeping information secret necessary and when is it not?  Should we not be allowed to police those who police us?  Where is the continuous flow of power between the decisionmakers and those being decided for?

I guess where I am at is that perhaps the people making these decisions under "secrecy" are getting lazy with their ethics as the blanket of secrecy makes them feel all cozy and safe.  Perhaps it is good that Desange is shaking the tree.  Someone should.  If you are doing something that would endanger others if it was public, maybe we shouldn't do it!?

It somehow seems to me to come back to things very simple.  Like authenticity of self.  Would you spend all that money if everyone knew your new purse, clothes and image were all just bought on credit?  That you really didn't own any of it?  Would politicians be so blithe about their stereotypes of welfare recipients if they had to deliver their comments DIRECTLY to those who receive it?  What I am saying is we are a society who is becoming less responsible for what we do and say.  Maybe getting back to the basics of "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" and the "golden rule" might not be a bad idea.  And if you are not doing something nice or saying something nasty, be responsible for it!  What a revolutionary idea!!!

This is what wikileaks all boils down to for me.  Who do we trust?  Why are people getting all bent out of shape?  Why ARE people keeping things on the 'down low' ??  If we want openness, we need to be ready for it.  Is your trust well placed?  Would you be able to stand tall if all was out for others to see?

Who do we trust?  I don't know.  I trust myself to do what is best for me.  Best for my children.  Beyond that, trust is one of those difficult ethical extensions.