Nothing is forever

Nothing is forever.... a phrase which seems to be ringing throughout my life.  There are many things we think of as being 'forever'.  For many people it is like they associate "forever" things with control and permanence.  Ever noticed that the tighter you hold on the more worried you become about potentially letting go?  Not having fear of something not being "forever" and you relax and enjoy the now.

What can we guarantee and say is forever?  Life? Nope, age or illness takes that away.  Our kids?  Well, they don't stay little!  Our marriages?  They have people in them, and people change and grow.  With that changes occur to the structure and our perception and reality is renegotiated.  Our houses?  They can burn down.  Our way of life? Imagine having lived through the depression, world war two, the sixties, birth of colour tv, space travel, computers, cell phones.... surely you would say nothing comes with a guarantee of staying the same. 

Every day the sun does come up.  Every day you do have the choice of how you will live it, even if that just involves the little things or your attitude. Every day is different.  Just when you think it is predictable, it becomes unpredictable.  Perhaps "staying calm and carry on" really is the best advice.  To it I would add "stay calm, carry on with a smile on your face and knowledge that happiness is a choice.  Be kind, be loving, be yourself".

Will this make the unpredictability and lack of "forever" in our lives any easier?  In the moment, no.  But when you take a breath, look around and at what is.... it can. 

Belief Systems

In University we often talked about belief systems, and how they motivate our behaviours.  With my new role I have to be a spokesperson and cheerleader for the organization.  I also need to be very aware of my own opinions and beliefs.  Recently there has been a fair bit of press coverage opportunities which have challenged me significantly.  When you have 2 minutes to say it, you better know what it is you are trying to communicate.  Today I came to a realization..... despite being a left wing type person, I am flexible. 

Let me be specific.... I like regulations to some extent.  They serve a purpose.  But they are not a solution.  Just a tool.  While just letting the market run its course is not a solution.  As I thought more after my interview regarding a specific proposal I realized, dang, I am irritated that people lack the intelligence and capacity to see the connections and nuances that surround any issue.  That people who lead our government are not able to understand nuances scares me silly.... but that is another subject!

I realize my opinions and ideas are flexible and that is okay!  I don't have to prescribe to one set.  I can like one part and not another.  As long as I can explain it!  I guess this is why I cannot "do" organized religion.  They really don't like when you pick and choose!  LOL!  As life forces me to further expand my understanding of what it is I believe in, prescribe to, make decisions by.... I am enabled to learn more about who I really am. 

And knowing who I am and what I believe allows me to be flexible and challenge myself to be open to new ideas.

Ready to Fly....

As I sat in the quiet of my house this evening, happy to just be -- I realized that I am ready to fly.  Fly into some uncharted areas.  And you know what I realized?  I wasn't afraid of getting hurt myself, or even of failing.  What I was most afraid of was hurting those around me. 

Where does that come from I wonder?  I am willing to take risks, give it a go, just terrified of screwing up and hurting those around me.  Perhaps this is experience and my subconscious poking around in my head?  You think?!! 

Its my guess that being ready to fly means setting out those flight plans, taking safety precautions, checking fuel levels and the weather..... but in the end you have to jump.  You can only control so many factors.  And like everything..... there is a point where you just have to go with the gut and DO IT!

Screwing up, hurting people you love and genuinely care about really sucks.  Carrying the knowledge of what you did does too!  We can only work to not repeat our errors, do our best to make amends, and grow from it.  Not make it a big waste unjustified. 

I am afraid to take the leap
I am happy to make the flight plans and fuel up
Taking safety precautions makes me feel like I am not repeating past errors
Yet....
Sometime I have to jump and test my wings.
Believe in myself, and it. 
Whatever the it is.
A person or situation.
Just do it.
Try.

Big breath and .......

Unanswered

Sometimes questions must be left unanswered and paths left untravelled.  I wonder though, how do some people seem better able to just shrug their shoulders and putter along?  Learning to let go, move forward, take a new path.... all good things.  What has passed, has passed and isnt anymore.  Though as humans we cannot help but wonder what if?  What if I said this or that, what if I had just held on a little longer, what if I had said what I wanted to say sooner?  Notice that my unanswered questions all seem to relate to people??

So many people have entered and left my life.  Many I think have no idea of their impact.  No clue that a piece of me left with them and a piece of them is still in me.  In losing a parent I was blessed to have had the chance to close the circle and answer the questions before death interfered.  In a way, it is not having death between you and another person you have not closed the circle with that seems so bothersome.  My perception based on the way I feel anyway.  I realize other people guard who they are more closely, keep their cards to their chest.  Not I.  I am me, fully, completely, wholly and in the last year and a half.... no one else and okay with it.  Perhaps that is why I need  to ask the questions, close the circle with others.  When I open myself (even if they choose not to receive) if the connect is made I need to learn the lesson and see both sides to close the loop.

Could it ever be I wonder,

is the loop closed for us?

Too right with you being you
and I being I,
unexpected and even addictive.
The circle is yet to be completed,
what will be will be.
Truth has a way of coming out,
and the truth of what was and may be
still remains to be seen.
We all must reach for our happiness,
unlocking it from within.
Have you found yours?
Asked for more,
what you deserve?
I'd like to be your key
flinging open the doors of your heart
letting the sun warm
and beautiful happen.
But you are there
and I am here.
I am not sure I know
you
the way I thought I did.
This possibility cuts deep
and
I hope to be proven wrong
sometime
somewhere
somehow.