I am in search of a way to be here, right now, and to be okay with the here and now. Today as I stumbled along doing the usual Monday morning requirements I thought of how hard it is to be in the now when it is not enjoyable. As I walk my kids to school I am completely in the now, enjoying there chatter and comments and the way the sun catching their faces. I was breathing in the smell of cool moisture on blossoming plants after a night rain. Everything was good. Easy to be there at that moment, right?
Then home to my office I walk. When work tasks pile up and I can plough through them and mark them as completed, I am in the now. I like to work. Partly because I have such a challenging job which forces me to engage personally and intellectually. To reach out to others. But when the work backs off in it's demands to where do I turn in the now?
Can I be still and happy? Not sure. Too much time with my thoughts I am learning is not a good thing. Perhaps because I know there are things I 'should' do and am not. This is one thing said to me by a therapist in the past. What happens when you slow down and do less? Hmmm. Not sure I want to know is the answer!
That said, what I do brings me to live in the here. Perhaps not the here that I might need to give attention to.... but the here and now of my children. The here and now of me learning and building a career I love. Trying to do what is right, make good choices. I know there are many things inside me I am not listening to or attending to, but sometimes we just can't. Sometimes we have to put others before our own here and now I think.