I recognize all to well that I move and do so that I able to not have to think. And those who know me would say "huh"?? I am never not thinking. When I sleep, I think. I awake with ideas.... When I am awake a million thoughts seem to flow through my brain though most go ignored! It is like sparks are being fired constantly and part of the reason I love interacting with people so much is that often they focus me into one or more of those sparks. Or start a new train of thought.
So what am I running from? Ah, the list is long. Just like the rest of you. Don't pretend you are not working well towards ignoring those hidden wounds, silent internal beasts or skeletons in the closet. How some people manage to live their lives so seemingly blissful in their lack of self-enlightenment amazes me. How I wish I did not know myself so well sometimes. And so I run, though my running is trying to be successful and "good enough" at what I do so that I may have all that chases me stand still.
How do people go through life unaware of their impact on others, their environment, their world? Able to feel no guilt, no responsibility to change? My own opinion is "what a shallow and bloody pointless existence!!!" but.... boy would it ever be easier. To blame failing marriages on others, situations beyond your control, but never your own failings. To say your child's misbehaviours are a result of society, school, and hardly your own parenting! Or to bitch and whine about society, social challenges, your situation within these and not make any effort to participate in democracy or not make a difference!
Running to stand still is not easy. But at least I am alive. I fuck up all the time. I am not right all the time. As much as I would like to think I am! I don't have the answers. I too am scared to make choices, to move forward. But at least I try. At least I am asking for more, striving towards something, dreaming big and planning the small steps towards those big dreams. My life is far from perfect, far from what I thought it would be--- but it is mine. And I'm still running.
You got to cry without weeping
Talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice
U2