Looking over my last posts, I realized how brooding they seem. I guess I do brood a fair bit, I definately think too much, I think!! That being said I wanted to say with honesty, I am, overall pretty happy. I recognize the wonderful people I have in my life. My wonderful creative daughter, my curious and inquiring future scientist son, my supportive spouse, my brother-- who knows the darkest depths of me and 'gets' me like no other, my little brother and sister of whom I am so proud -- almost parent like, my in-laws who are like a gift from heaven, my extended family.... My best friend since grade 2 MAV, my friend who has given me encouragement, support and laughs V, and of course L, who has been a friend since Uni and is someone who is the kindest most loving person and always makes me feel good to spend time with, or S who is my intellectually challenging argumentative and equally stubborn friend whom I admire and love too. So blessed. And that is the short list. Then there are those I keep in contact via email and internet. The people I work with/for in the non-profit sector. The people I meet who hold a mirror up allowing me to see a new side of myself and grow.
For all my insecurities, for all my feelings of not being good 'enough' at anything I attempt... I am surrounded by enough goodness that I continue to live by the 2% rule. I am a great Mum (one who sometimes sucks, but overall comes through) and a good citizen. I try to give of myself to others. Spread love via smiles, thank yous, appreciation of cashiers and people I meet. Saying the good things I think about others, not just keeping them inside where they can do little good! Let them out.
Happiness is here. We just have to open the door. Somedays it seems stuck, that damn door. But most days I manage to open it at sometime. I am lucky-- in a blessing sort of way. I have built good things around me and drawn positivity in. I am a work in progress. As this work continues, I feel good inside my skin for the first time in my life. I feel beautiful, sexy, good with being who I am. I welcome the flexibility and nimble nature of my intellect, the strength and warmth of my body that makes others want to touch me, accept the responsibility to embody what I want to see in my world on the small and grand scale.
If you are reading this, may you feel my heart opening to you-- warming and supporting you. Believing in you and your dreams. You can. I know you can.