I have been trying to look deeper in the last few weeks when I have a negative reaction to a person or situation. Following the advice I gave a friend to strip away the situation and really THINK what the interaction evoked in you.
Some of my knee jerk reactions made me laugh when I caught myself. Life the "oh yes I cannnnn" when someone intonated that I would not like something or could not do something. The back up, "don't tell me what to do" reaction! When I paused and realized this I felt a bit embarassed but also thought it was kinda funny. Childish reaction.
Some of the tougher ones came when I had to dig deep and consider a friendship I have. Dig deep and ask myself why I feel the need to classify it and define it. Why it is sooooo hard to just sit back and keep myself on an emotional leash. This is when writing comes in handy. I wrote and wrote in my journal until the reasons popped their heads up. I want to classify and define relationships and situations because I hate feeling the fool. Feeling like I was the one not clued into the situation. Like I had not been given the same briefing as everyone else! It is not a need to control the other person, but more a means of safeguarding my own self. Protection from being let down, abandoned, left in tears.
So it seems I am afraid of investing myself mentally or emotionally if I am not assured of reciprocity in the situation. Strange. When I step back and look at it, it is better to step in and try than to constantly hold myself leashed out of fear. When I boil things down, I feel frustrated. Frustrated with people and their simplicity. Not the good kind of simple. Their willingness to make assumptions and only take surface. Assumptions about who I am, what I need and such. It makes me sad. There are parts of me I cannot help. Not that they are bad! Is it bad to be driven, passionate and outgoing? But I am just me. The inner me is so much different from the facade the public gets. Get beyond that and see the gem. So many don't bother. And.... I guess I should just say their loss. Realistically though it saddens me. I am not one dimensional and shallow. I am deeper. I am passionate. I am intelligent. I am more of most things and you know what..... I AM A GOOD PERSON..... still.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Beautiful Decay
This is the only way to describe the Cuban city of Havana. A city of beautiful architecture, all in a state of crumble. So few of the buildings are in really good shape. Mostly just the ones that are owned by hotel chains etc. Tourist buildings. As you walk around you cannot help but wonder what was it once like? Sort of like seeing an older person who is bent and stooped, wrinkled and time worn. You wonder what they were like 'back then'. It is then us -- still youthful -- who marvel at the beauty and grace of that stooped person, or crumbling city when we see a picture. Amazed that these two, then and now, are connected.
The Cuban people were so friendly, so welcoming, and very joyful. All while confined by a state that stops them from taking a holiday to a foreign country or studying overseas without great difficulty. Friendly and welcoming though they cannot access the goods we take for granted. Being issued rations by the state monthly, and then having to supplement on the open market. It is pretty mind boggling. No wonder they think Canadians are rich. We can afford to come to their country, relax and holiday. A luxury beyond their experience and tough to imagine.
It made me stop and think. Think about standing in an aisle gazing at the choices I have when it comes to basics like toilet paper. Toothpaste. Shampoo. Incredible! And it is just the way it is... but why? Is this a reflection of our excessive culture? I wonder sometimes. No wonder it is so hard to keep it simple. We are bombarded. All it makes us do in the end is want more. And more. Yet, happiness is not any closer.....
The Cuban people were so friendly, so welcoming, and very joyful. All while confined by a state that stops them from taking a holiday to a foreign country or studying overseas without great difficulty. Friendly and welcoming though they cannot access the goods we take for granted. Being issued rations by the state monthly, and then having to supplement on the open market. It is pretty mind boggling. No wonder they think Canadians are rich. We can afford to come to their country, relax and holiday. A luxury beyond their experience and tough to imagine.
It made me stop and think. Think about standing in an aisle gazing at the choices I have when it comes to basics like toilet paper. Toothpaste. Shampoo. Incredible! And it is just the way it is... but why? Is this a reflection of our excessive culture? I wonder sometimes. No wonder it is so hard to keep it simple. We are bombarded. All it makes us do in the end is want more. And more. Yet, happiness is not any closer.....
Friday, March 25, 2011
Politics.... Never what they seem
How precarious is the balance between what one side wants vs. the desires of another. Who is right and who is wrong depends on which side you stand! While I was on my holiday I watched the news of Libya unfold. Watching the news coverage brought some fascination and dread as my knowledge of international politics guided me to the conclusion this would get messy.
Muammar Gaddafi is without doubt, a nut. That said, he is not a stupid nut. There have been multiple assassination attempts on his life. His country has been bombed by the US, and Libyan dissenters have always seemed to exist. All this brings me to the question: "Why now?" Why now is the international community getting involved? Perhaps because they are seeing the domino effect with Tunisia, Egypt and don't want the spread to continue into the highly volatile and important Arab world? Is is once again oil? What I despise is that there is always a morality twist put on this. Liberate the poor Libyans. Ummm, hello? The guy has been around pulling shit for 40 plus years!! Other uprisings have occurred and been crushed. Our news sources however, are ripe for revolution reporting. Then there is the issue of soveriegnty. Other countries cannot just interfere in internal issues. Remember Chechnya? Ahhh... the uprising of Chechyn's against their Russian rulers. Russian responses to their demands and actions have been brutal. Civilians killed. Hostages taken. Thousands have fled the area as refugees. Funny how there was no immediate Security Council meeting or ruling there.
What I am saying is that we need to be careful about the judgements we make and why we make them. Yes, Gaddafi is a dink who should have his power stripped. However, to remove him is to set a precedent that anytime the UN doesnt like a ruler they can remove them. Not cool. Its that soveriegnty thing. Then there is the issue of the rebels. What makes the rebels right and not the ruling power? Does removal of the leadership really guarantee change? Lets watch Egypt and see. Are we using human rights and civilian safety as a guise for our own selfish desires to access their rich oil reserves and connections within OPEC? Are we meddling to gain an upper hand?
Shouldnt the West stop and think "HEY! We do not generally do well over here when we interfere...." Ummm, Iraq anyone? Palestine-Israel? Lebanon? It is tooooo simple to think 'saving' the civilians and ousting Gaddafi so that 'democracy' may take root is the reasoning for intervention. What terrifies me is the not knowing the other reasons. The other reasons and the reality that removing one leader does not ensure instant stability but instead another decade of instability. Instability that only hardens the cement of the Western 'benevolent' image. Huh. I don't know.
What I do know is that we cannot believe what is reported as truth. We must always question the reasoning behind behaviour. Look closer. And apply some sort of balance in how we behave. If we are to intervene in this, does this mean Cote D'Ivoire and other struggling African nations in tumult are our next projects? If we were fair and balanced it would. But do they have huge financial outcomes or does protecting citizenry only apply when their value can be weighed in oil, gold, power?
Muammar Gaddafi is without doubt, a nut. That said, he is not a stupid nut. There have been multiple assassination attempts on his life. His country has been bombed by the US, and Libyan dissenters have always seemed to exist. All this brings me to the question: "Why now?" Why now is the international community getting involved? Perhaps because they are seeing the domino effect with Tunisia, Egypt and don't want the spread to continue into the highly volatile and important Arab world? Is is once again oil? What I despise is that there is always a morality twist put on this. Liberate the poor Libyans. Ummm, hello? The guy has been around pulling shit for 40 plus years!! Other uprisings have occurred and been crushed. Our news sources however, are ripe for revolution reporting. Then there is the issue of soveriegnty. Other countries cannot just interfere in internal issues. Remember Chechnya? Ahhh... the uprising of Chechyn's against their Russian rulers. Russian responses to their demands and actions have been brutal. Civilians killed. Hostages taken. Thousands have fled the area as refugees. Funny how there was no immediate Security Council meeting or ruling there.
What I am saying is that we need to be careful about the judgements we make and why we make them. Yes, Gaddafi is a dink who should have his power stripped. However, to remove him is to set a precedent that anytime the UN doesnt like a ruler they can remove them. Not cool. Its that soveriegnty thing. Then there is the issue of the rebels. What makes the rebels right and not the ruling power? Does removal of the leadership really guarantee change? Lets watch Egypt and see. Are we using human rights and civilian safety as a guise for our own selfish desires to access their rich oil reserves and connections within OPEC? Are we meddling to gain an upper hand?
Shouldnt the West stop and think "HEY! We do not generally do well over here when we interfere...." Ummm, Iraq anyone? Palestine-Israel? Lebanon? It is tooooo simple to think 'saving' the civilians and ousting Gaddafi so that 'democracy' may take root is the reasoning for intervention. What terrifies me is the not knowing the other reasons. The other reasons and the reality that removing one leader does not ensure instant stability but instead another decade of instability. Instability that only hardens the cement of the Western 'benevolent' image. Huh. I don't know.
What I do know is that we cannot believe what is reported as truth. We must always question the reasoning behind behaviour. Look closer. And apply some sort of balance in how we behave. If we are to intervene in this, does this mean Cote D'Ivoire and other struggling African nations in tumult are our next projects? If we were fair and balanced it would. But do they have huge financial outcomes or does protecting citizenry only apply when their value can be weighed in oil, gold, power?
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