I was driving and listening to the poetry of Michael Franti and Spearhead... something about his voice and words touch a part of me in a way I cannot quite express. The song that hit me between the eyes was "What I Be" .
It struck me as so simple. What I be is what I be. I am who I am. Imperfect yet perfectly so. Striving to be more. Yet, satisfied with the now too. Doing what I need to even when I want to avoid it. Being strong in my own 'gut' and inner knowledge that I have to do what I am doing. Do I love some one? You bet. I am learning to love myself. Really love me. Not just acceptance of my faults and imperfections but to love those cracks and fissures too. As much as I grow, change, and become better -- what I be, IS what I be. Who I am is who I am. And that is who I must be. No one else.
And that is enough. I am learning to accept it. As I accept others for what they can give, and what they cannot. There is nothing I want more than those around me to have the strength to BE just as they are. Not bend and change to my will or needs, but instead to be who they be. And be more of them. Focused in the strength of their individual power and uniqueness. To revel in the beauty of the moments, the world, the opportunity. When I think of those I hold in great esteem, it is those who dare to be. Just as they are. To bear what comes with that and move on. I may not like all facets of what or who they be, but I love them all the same. And the cool part? The love you receive from others in the place of acceptance is whole. strong. pure. secure. knowing. awesome. You don't fear losing it from these people, what we have is just more. It's base is so different than people who come and go... not that they are any less important or make less impact. Its just that those people you share this connect with are like direction on a compass. When lost, they remind you of what you be. Help you find north again. Set your ship back on course.
What I be, is what I be.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Feeling Good... and that is Good.
I have had some time to just pull back and focus this week. My focus and efficiency at work has been great, I feel on my game! So to speak! The ideas are flowing and Spring and Summer feel just around the corner. Amazing. I have put my focus into my kids, my work and myself and it feels good. Really good.
I generally am a pretty good natured person, always positive as well. Like I indicated in past post's, I feel like I am standing on a hill with the ability to look back and look forward. That which is ahead of me seems to be coming into view. All the up and down and instability of the last six months is settling. 2011 truly does feel like a good fit, fresh start.
Weird how we tend to repeat behaviour isn't it? We look for security by bringing "same" into our lives even though we think we are bringing different in. Some patterns in my own choices are starting to come to light. I am so lucky to have friends who call a spade a spade and don't worry about hurting my feelings (initially that is!). They have pointed out the patterns I suspected. Hope I can follow their advice and my own goals clearly.
The Sundance channel has been free this month and I have caught some incredible programs. Some funny, others poignant, one program very very thought provoking. I recommend any music lover, truth seeker, and those wanting to look deep within themselves and ask tough questions to watch some of these....
www.whataboutme.tv/#videos
What about me? What a question. It rings with meaning.... definately reflects Western ideals... and this program really does a great job of crossing borders, boundaries and cultures... asking questions.
Check it out.
I generally am a pretty good natured person, always positive as well. Like I indicated in past post's, I feel like I am standing on a hill with the ability to look back and look forward. That which is ahead of me seems to be coming into view. All the up and down and instability of the last six months is settling. 2011 truly does feel like a good fit, fresh start.
Weird how we tend to repeat behaviour isn't it? We look for security by bringing "same" into our lives even though we think we are bringing different in. Some patterns in my own choices are starting to come to light. I am so lucky to have friends who call a spade a spade and don't worry about hurting my feelings (initially that is!). They have pointed out the patterns I suspected. Hope I can follow their advice and my own goals clearly.
The Sundance channel has been free this month and I have caught some incredible programs. Some funny, others poignant, one program very very thought provoking. I recommend any music lover, truth seeker, and those wanting to look deep within themselves and ask tough questions to watch some of these....
www.whataboutme.tv/#videos
What about me? What a question. It rings with meaning.... definately reflects Western ideals... and this program really does a great job of crossing borders, boundaries and cultures... asking questions.
Check it out.
Friday, January 7, 2011
In the middle with eyes forward
While I have made no real resolutions, its funny how for the first time the start of a new year has had some real mental impact. I think it is related to the half year, half way, almost there feeling that I am having within my life. The last six months have been exhilirating and empowering, but in their change nothing has had a chance to feel solid. As I start this new year of 2011 I fully feel that I stand in a place where my eyes are looking forward to a place that is mine. A space I create, own and occupy.
In the past half a year when I cast my eyes behind me I see shadows of myself. Me, but not quite me. Me trying to be wholly myself, authentic, yet in the last half year I have been working to find that equilibrium. That rhythm that is uniquely my own with each component of my life fitting in fairly cleanly. The balancing of my work, my goals, my children, my own happiness and inner development. Almost like I am in mid-life crisis, but at one-third of my way through!
So does that mean that when I look back at the last 5 to 6 months I feel regret? Absolutely not. Instead I have recently been able to see the importance and unique gifts that have come with each person. Some lessons from new people entering my life during the storm....
....there are friends who will give to you of their skills without expectation of re-payment.
....people come in and will solve problems or offer help if you are open to asking!
....our past shapes us, but we choose what we carry with us today.
....I can let people do things for me, and even though it makes me uncomfortable... there is something nice about it too.
....truly emotionally open and available people are amazing. Brave. Scary for people like me! Yet inspiring too.
....What others do, they will do. And it really is not about you. At all.
....It feels good to care deeply and give that to people freely. It is not dangerous when you are willing to give and have no expectations of a week, month, years from now.
....'cause you can't get hurt when you realize what others do is not ABOUT you, but their own reaction to you based on their own filters and assumptions.
....I like the practical, rational and calculated nature of my emotional expressions. Its who I am. And I like it. You can only change for yourself, not others.
....Ownership is a disgusting part of relationships. That people feel that their significant others or friends are 'theirs' is beyond me. I find it quite puzzling. So un-evolved. We own no one. We control nothing but ourselves and the choices we make. I know more now than I did before I reached this point that, traditional concepts of relationships do not work for me.
The new people who have entered (and some have left) my life in the last six months have left really significant imprints on me. I think it was due to the lack of structure and openness I had to everything. As I cast my eyes forward..... gazing outwards across the plains from atop the hill... I see open opportunity. Potential. And I feel strong, fairly content, very grounded and very ME. A good thing!
In the past half a year when I cast my eyes behind me I see shadows of myself. Me, but not quite me. Me trying to be wholly myself, authentic, yet in the last half year I have been working to find that equilibrium. That rhythm that is uniquely my own with each component of my life fitting in fairly cleanly. The balancing of my work, my goals, my children, my own happiness and inner development. Almost like I am in mid-life crisis, but at one-third of my way through!
So does that mean that when I look back at the last 5 to 6 months I feel regret? Absolutely not. Instead I have recently been able to see the importance and unique gifts that have come with each person. Some lessons from new people entering my life during the storm....
....there are friends who will give to you of their skills without expectation of re-payment.
....people come in and will solve problems or offer help if you are open to asking!
....our past shapes us, but we choose what we carry with us today.
....I can let people do things for me, and even though it makes me uncomfortable... there is something nice about it too.
....truly emotionally open and available people are amazing. Brave. Scary for people like me! Yet inspiring too.
....What others do, they will do. And it really is not about you. At all.
....It feels good to care deeply and give that to people freely. It is not dangerous when you are willing to give and have no expectations of a week, month, years from now.
....'cause you can't get hurt when you realize what others do is not ABOUT you, but their own reaction to you based on their own filters and assumptions.
....I like the practical, rational and calculated nature of my emotional expressions. Its who I am. And I like it. You can only change for yourself, not others.
....Ownership is a disgusting part of relationships. That people feel that their significant others or friends are 'theirs' is beyond me. I find it quite puzzling. So un-evolved. We own no one. We control nothing but ourselves and the choices we make. I know more now than I did before I reached this point that, traditional concepts of relationships do not work for me.
The new people who have entered (and some have left) my life in the last six months have left really significant imprints on me. I think it was due to the lack of structure and openness I had to everything. As I cast my eyes forward..... gazing outwards across the plains from atop the hill... I see open opportunity. Potential. And I feel strong, fairly content, very grounded and very ME. A good thing!
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