A corner turned

My path is one that seems curvy and twisted. Never quite sure where it will go. Yet, when I reach a fork in the road I am able to be decisive and make choices. They sometimes take a while, but I tend to be rational and weigh things out. Eventually doing what I feel in my gut. Recently I made one of those tough turns. It was such a hard choice to leave a marriage when I was still good friends with this person. I admit to questioning my own sanity! However, I knew it was right. Over time as we sorted things out, I recognized and appreciated more and more the person to whom I had been married to for over a decade. What a good person, great parent, decent person he is, was and continues to be. We are not the norm of people separating, I know this. What feels so good in this whole process is that as I explain to lawyers or accountants that we ARE not out to screw each other, WE TALK each day, and we RESPECT each other that we are so lucky. But also, we chose to be this way. I see that I am at a corner now where I can turn away from the marriage part, but feel good knowing the path I am taking also has him as a friend. While the state of marriage has changed, we have changed, our values remain similar and what we want as parents for our kids is still the same. I feel so positive that while something is ending, the possibility of something positive still being there.

Whatever the Weather

Its better together.... the weather that is. At the baseball tournament for my kids on Saturday we were dumped on. Torrential rain. More rain than I have seen or felt in such a long time. The feeling of being totally wet, shoes sloppy, and recognizing more wet isnt really an issue... is a good thing. The hoots and tee hee's as little kids ran for the grandstands. The leaping and re-routing around parking lot rivers is always fun when you have a giggling child beside you. Yet one more reason to appreciate having your kids around. They ground you, keep you in the moment, and allow you to laugh at the moment at hand.

Sunday came with mid-night storms and a lovely coolness in the morning. As the day went on the sun shone and I felt great. Ideas bursting from my head, begging to be paid attention to. At work, at play, everywhere. Whatever the weather, there is joy to be found. Happiness in the moment. People around you who bring new insight and possibilities.

Uncertain is life. Transition is constant or we would be stagnant. Can I predict tomorrow or the next? Not likely, and since I have made hard choices I feel like I am being true and that ahead of me is nothing I cannot handle. That is a good feeling.

Sides to a story... yours, mine and the truth!

I had to smile when I can across the sentence I used as the title for my post. How true! No story or experience is black and white. It is similar to how people can give eye witness accounts of an event and they can all vary radically! So it all comes to the question I puzzled on last night.... yes, there is more than one side to a story but how legitimate or important are the other sides anyway?? Once an experience has happened, hearing another side of what occurred cannot change how you felt that situation. To my mind, it does hold value as it can lessen or intensify the importance of that experience. It can shed additional light, or add new knowledge yet what is done cannot be undone. And in the end, it is the individual who gets to decide how they choose to absorb or ignore it.

I've been reading Marc Gafni's book "Soul Prints" and have found it so useful in this past year. His perspective on the importance of our unique soul print and how hurt occurs when we reach out with soul and are not recieved touched me. I thought on when perhaps I have tried to fit others into my concept of them instead of discovering how they themselves concieved of their unique self. I pondered over this and the situations I had passed an opportunity by, or I had been passed by. In the end, as he says..."It may be true that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line but that is only in geometry. In the complex calculus of life we create complex equations that yeild unpredictable results. The only legitimate fear in life should be that you are living the wrong story. To succeed in a story not your own is failure".

Those wise words have resonated within me. Each step I take is towards something. It may mean nothing to others yet in the end, that matters little as it is my path and my life story I am constructing. I don't want to create for anyone, only share. Be that ear, the mirror reflecting back the good in others they don't see, be the encouragement. Positive. Connector. Being no one else but the authentic and flawed me is beautiful. I finally feel like life is a custom made garment. I don't want to wear anyone elses clothes anymore, mine feel too good. I see the flaws, the imperfections and I strive to make them beautiful rather than hide them. My side of the story is a deep and winding story. Some day I hope to find someone I can truly share it in open honesty. In the mean time, I carry myself forward with an optimism for all that is yet to come.