After a month and a bit of being very busy, to the point of overbooked, a training event I did yesterday marked the end of the total madness! The event went well despite my reservations, and on the drive home I thought on recent issues that had arisen and what I had learned from them. Usually I let a few comments or feedback make me feel badly, but then I thought HEY! This is all new to me! I am trying, I am learning, I am developing. And there is nothing like a mistake to make you VERY aware of how you need to grow!
Here are a few of the 'realizations' I have come to since I started in this position over 10 months ago:
My intelligence comes off negatively at times.
It hurts not being liked and the line between professional and friends is a tough one to walk.
Change requires building a relationship before even BROACHING the subject!
You can set everything up right, create potential for success but people will still decide whether they want to get on board with you or not.
People only hear what they want to, even when they ask YOU!
Scapegoating is easy, we all do it and it is not productive.
It sucks being in the middle, hearing both sides, and having the sides look to you for feedback.
Our best asset is often our biggest liability/fault.
Less trying to fix and more trying to listen.
Sometimes it has to be smashed and not just broken before people believe what you say!!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Asking for what I need
I was recently reading "Eat Pray Love" and was struck by her willingness to openly admit to being a gaping hole of emotional need. Well, she said it better of course but that was the jist of it. It hit me like someone had whacked me with the book itself!! Ow, what a painful thing to acknowledge and admit to. And why was it so significant to me??? I think that just maybe... I too am a gaping whole of emotional need.
The statement made me think about what it is I need. I am unsure if I can pinpoint it exactly but I so desperately need to be SEEN and seen for me. Connected with. Challenged. Accepted. But I also recognize that the things I believe in saying and doing for others are probably the very things I need to allow others to do for me.
i.e....
1. I believe in telling people the good things you are thinking about them. Why wait until they are dead or ill or gone to let those thoughts out!?? If they are beautiful, tell them. If their hug really caught you at just the right moment and made a difference, tell them. If you admire a skill or see bright potential in someone, tell them and encourage them. DON'T JUST THINK IT! Why are words so hard to say? Why are we so afraid to tell someone we love them? That they touch us in a magical way that brightens each day? Or that we admire them and are inspired by them? Because really, do you honestly think it will give them a swelled head? So often it is these people who rarely hear it because others assume they 'just know'!!
2. Shelter me, protect me, care for me. I am the giver. The one who worries about getting it done, supporting others, making it right for all. And yet it is so difficult to let someone else do this for me. As my brother and I have said, we brought each other and ourselves up. We are used to building our own strengths that allowing someone else in is terrifying!! I need to let my wall fall, let someone comfort me, and I need to let them do that. What a bloody challenge. Can't I just do it for everyone else?
3. Encouraging other's dreams. I try hard to support other people and friends dreams. To celebrate those dreams and maybe be a part of their 'people' who encourage them and change that dream into a goal. I love to hear other's ideas. I revel in their creativity. Marvel at their capabilities. Yet seem incapable of truly seeing my own. I am so damn critical. Feel lodged in a space where taking my dreams and forcing them out into planning mode is not possible. I need to see the potential in myself, that I see in others. My own unique light. Not just my weakness and failings. Can I manage? Oh man, don't know.
So what has all of this thinking taught me? I must admit that despite my incredible strength, management of personal challenges, and seeming 'having it togetherness' I am still desperately needy for those emotional foods from others yet I make it impossible to receive it. Fucked I know. And really, I think I am no different from many over-functioners and those who end their lives prematurely. I am a seeker and know I need more. I've never been one to just sit and take it as it comes or be cool with the status quo. I want more, know it is there. I know sometime I will get to a point where having too little will result in a choice to end it all or risk it all. This terrifies me but maybe if those around me give me the emotional food I need and I let them, maybe I will never reach that fork in the road and instead, will enjoy the trip instead.
The statement made me think about what it is I need. I am unsure if I can pinpoint it exactly but I so desperately need to be SEEN and seen for me. Connected with. Challenged. Accepted. But I also recognize that the things I believe in saying and doing for others are probably the very things I need to allow others to do for me.
i.e....
1. I believe in telling people the good things you are thinking about them. Why wait until they are dead or ill or gone to let those thoughts out!?? If they are beautiful, tell them. If their hug really caught you at just the right moment and made a difference, tell them. If you admire a skill or see bright potential in someone, tell them and encourage them. DON'T JUST THINK IT! Why are words so hard to say? Why are we so afraid to tell someone we love them? That they touch us in a magical way that brightens each day? Or that we admire them and are inspired by them? Because really, do you honestly think it will give them a swelled head? So often it is these people who rarely hear it because others assume they 'just know'!!
2. Shelter me, protect me, care for me. I am the giver. The one who worries about getting it done, supporting others, making it right for all. And yet it is so difficult to let someone else do this for me. As my brother and I have said, we brought each other and ourselves up. We are used to building our own strengths that allowing someone else in is terrifying!! I need to let my wall fall, let someone comfort me, and I need to let them do that. What a bloody challenge. Can't I just do it for everyone else?
3. Encouraging other's dreams. I try hard to support other people and friends dreams. To celebrate those dreams and maybe be a part of their 'people' who encourage them and change that dream into a goal. I love to hear other's ideas. I revel in their creativity. Marvel at their capabilities. Yet seem incapable of truly seeing my own. I am so damn critical. Feel lodged in a space where taking my dreams and forcing them out into planning mode is not possible. I need to see the potential in myself, that I see in others. My own unique light. Not just my weakness and failings. Can I manage? Oh man, don't know.
So what has all of this thinking taught me? I must admit that despite my incredible strength, management of personal challenges, and seeming 'having it togetherness' I am still desperately needy for those emotional foods from others yet I make it impossible to receive it. Fucked I know. And really, I think I am no different from many over-functioners and those who end their lives prematurely. I am a seeker and know I need more. I've never been one to just sit and take it as it comes or be cool with the status quo. I want more, know it is there. I know sometime I will get to a point where having too little will result in a choice to end it all or risk it all. This terrifies me but maybe if those around me give me the emotional food I need and I let them, maybe I will never reach that fork in the road and instead, will enjoy the trip instead.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Truth has a way of coming out
The statement "truth has a way of coming out" was posed to me today. My response was to question to what they were referring. What truth did they mean? Truth is so multi layered, multifaceted. Wrapped in context and emotion. Often my fast and constantly whirring mind has ripped away the first few layers and delved deep only to find the other person remains at their surface while I plunder the lesson. Hence, my question to what truth they referred. Where were they leading me??
As a child, life is composed of truth and un-truths. As you age it seems that the space between the two poles grows wider and wider. You realize the importance of where someone stands in life when it comes to their vision of truth. Truth is less about a moral judgement, and more a decision based on the place someone stood in the moment the 'truth' was labelled.
I think in my life most things that happen are direct results of energy I project out into the world (partly why i am careful to look for the positive and good, it is what I want back!) and what the universe is willing to give me. Synchronicity or coincidences that happen are like little tests handed out to all of us. Will you admit the deepest truth or just the upper layers of this moment? Sometimes like an onion, we know that peeling each layer back will make tears fall and we simply cannot do it on that day. And so we turn from acknowledging the truth that is in front of us inherent in the coincidence. I think those times I refuse to act, to acknowledge or take action... this is when I make opportunities pass me by. Are we only cheating ourselves? Or we also cheat others around us by living less than authentically? By not being true to myself and learning as it comes, I am taking a backseat in life. Not driving. But sometimes we are afraid of the tears that fall as the onion sheds its layers. Terrified of what will remain. Too unsure of our own deepest needs to accept the lesson in that coincident and moment.
Coincidences are not accidents but signals from the universe which can guide us toward our true destiny ~ Deepak Chopra
How ready I am to be let in on just what that destiny is. Time to slow down, be less busy and listen to the inner voice. Be true. Busy is preoccupation. Preoccupation is a diversion. Diversions keep us from finding that truth and destiny. Coincidences are perhaps like road signs, yet when we are preoccupied with the map it is impossible to see the signs making accurate travel impossible anyway. We go nowhere important without looking around.
As a child, life is composed of truth and un-truths. As you age it seems that the space between the two poles grows wider and wider. You realize the importance of where someone stands in life when it comes to their vision of truth. Truth is less about a moral judgement, and more a decision based on the place someone stood in the moment the 'truth' was labelled.
I think in my life most things that happen are direct results of energy I project out into the world (partly why i am careful to look for the positive and good, it is what I want back!) and what the universe is willing to give me. Synchronicity or coincidences that happen are like little tests handed out to all of us. Will you admit the deepest truth or just the upper layers of this moment? Sometimes like an onion, we know that peeling each layer back will make tears fall and we simply cannot do it on that day. And so we turn from acknowledging the truth that is in front of us inherent in the coincidence. I think those times I refuse to act, to acknowledge or take action... this is when I make opportunities pass me by. Are we only cheating ourselves? Or we also cheat others around us by living less than authentically? By not being true to myself and learning as it comes, I am taking a backseat in life. Not driving. But sometimes we are afraid of the tears that fall as the onion sheds its layers. Terrified of what will remain. Too unsure of our own deepest needs to accept the lesson in that coincident and moment.
Coincidences are not accidents but signals from the universe which can guide us toward our true destiny ~ Deepak Chopra
How ready I am to be let in on just what that destiny is. Time to slow down, be less busy and listen to the inner voice. Be true. Busy is preoccupation. Preoccupation is a diversion. Diversions keep us from finding that truth and destiny. Coincidences are perhaps like road signs, yet when we are preoccupied with the map it is impossible to see the signs making accurate travel impossible anyway. We go nowhere important without looking around.
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