Ahhhh, I have opened a whole can of worms haven't I?
I myself often wondered this when I taught. As I became disillusioned of teaching within our elementary school system I questioned our heavy reliance on regurgitation. We test on things, not how well an individual can integrate and apply this knowledge. I often was stopped dead in my tracks by an out-of-the-box thinker. One boy in Grade 2 was one such child. He in all liklihood had ADHD and some processing difficulties and as a result of our rigid system, his marks certainly did not reflect his abilities. He was so bright! He prompted me to research the different way snakes give birth. Some lay eggs, others hold their eggs internally and the young then bursts forth from those internally held eggs. Making the whole issue of live birth a point of contention for this child as we discussed mammals. What a kid!
As our society changes and modifies itself, the social architects cry about the need for creative thinkers in the new millenium. Interesting, as our system seems not to breed that many creative thinkers and we invest paltry amounts into education (less than the US ironically). Yet, we allow more creativity than systems you might see in China, Japan or India. We sit stoically in the middle, on the fence. Neither excelling in the hard facts of medicine, technology, hard science.... and not producing vast quantities of creative souls either.
What is the answer? Damned if I know. I guess it comes down to us parents taking the time to engage and encourage our own young. Challenging them. I also toy with the idea of providing wider streams within education. Becoming aware that it is OKAY that not everyone is bound for University. That not everyone being a "level 3" is okay too! From an earlier age I think we need to create environments for success where kids can be both "doers" and "learners". Like the old systems in the Eastern Block countries where kids streamed early into technical opportunities. Yet this is imperfect as it relies on someone making decisions about what route that kid should take.
I guess my frustration arises as I meet so many people who are brilliant in their own area. Who are articulate and yet question their own intelligence due to their experience in the indoctrination of education. We are getting there, I see it as the system has created an alternative education opportunity for my best friend's son. Yet, the system kept on forcing the same old until the kid reached crisis levels.
The more I read, the more I realize I have yet to read. The more I learn, the more I realize I do not know. And instead of terrifying me... it is exhilirating! Lucky me, I made it through the system. It was not easy, and I was lucky enough to have parents both intelligent and questioning in nature. Now as a parent myself, I look at the systems within society-- education being the one we place inordinate pressures on-- and wonder if it is up to the challenge.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Loss of a Mother : Long term impact, an evaluation
I must confess, I love my title. Sounds like the beginning of a thesis does it not? After all the introspection I have been doing in the last 9 months or so, but especially in the last month I think I could write a thesis on myself. One interesting thing I have discovered is that we can understand the impacts of various events in our lives in academic terms, acknowledge their importance and resulting patterns, but it hardly means we are any better at changing the course of how our life unfolds!
At someone's urging, I am revisiting a book which looks at the long term impacts children who have lost their Mother. A large component of the book is based on a survey done on 573 participants who lost their Mother. What is so significant is that there are certain commonalities that exist within this group. They are 3X more likely to be highly successful and creative, but are also 3X more likely than the general population to end up in conflict with the legal system. Another study indicates that those who have lost their mother have higher anxiety in their relationships, and an underlying fear of abandonment. The studies speak to the driving forces behind those individuals who have lost their mother, and that there is a long term impact whether recognized or not. That the experience of losing a mother often pushes an individual into hyperfunctionality. That often one will become highly independent and self-reliant within most aspects of their life, but especially in their emotional relationships.
The hyperfunctional person does not avoid relationships, but actively engages in a 'helper' or 'fixer' mode, managing to deal with everyone else while avoiding the real depths of their own self. When I read this I was struck by it. It was not something I had caught when I read this book some 10 years ago, but at this point in my life it was like an explanation of my actions over the last decade. The irony of the hyperfunctional, is that they do not allow themselves to emotionally 'lean' on anyone, having lost the most significant relationship where 'leaning' took place.
As I think on the material, the studies, the behaviours... I completely see the truth of the studies in my own life. My own choices and behaviours. Academically, I understand all the 'stuff'. The reality however, is that I am unsure as to how to apply this knowledge. There are no answers that come with the studies that give you the key to unlocking the child trapped inside the hyperfunctional person. No tried and true method to becoming 'okay' with the series of losses in your life.
My thought is, that if I could talk about it with someone who has gone through it, work through the trauma and choices we all have experienced or made, that maybe then I would fully own the reality rather than function around it. As though by speaking the name, I had incapacitated the monster.... I look at my brother who has found his happiness and love in someone who also shares the experience of losing a mother, it is like he has spent years waiting for her to come around and now that she has-- he is lit up like a Christmas tree. Beautiful to watch.
At someone's urging, I am revisiting a book which looks at the long term impacts children who have lost their Mother. A large component of the book is based on a survey done on 573 participants who lost their Mother. What is so significant is that there are certain commonalities that exist within this group. They are 3X more likely to be highly successful and creative, but are also 3X more likely than the general population to end up in conflict with the legal system. Another study indicates that those who have lost their mother have higher anxiety in their relationships, and an underlying fear of abandonment. The studies speak to the driving forces behind those individuals who have lost their mother, and that there is a long term impact whether recognized or not. That the experience of losing a mother often pushes an individual into hyperfunctionality. That often one will become highly independent and self-reliant within most aspects of their life, but especially in their emotional relationships.
The hyperfunctional person does not avoid relationships, but actively engages in a 'helper' or 'fixer' mode, managing to deal with everyone else while avoiding the real depths of their own self. When I read this I was struck by it. It was not something I had caught when I read this book some 10 years ago, but at this point in my life it was like an explanation of my actions over the last decade. The irony of the hyperfunctional, is that they do not allow themselves to emotionally 'lean' on anyone, having lost the most significant relationship where 'leaning' took place.
As I think on the material, the studies, the behaviours... I completely see the truth of the studies in my own life. My own choices and behaviours. Academically, I understand all the 'stuff'. The reality however, is that I am unsure as to how to apply this knowledge. There are no answers that come with the studies that give you the key to unlocking the child trapped inside the hyperfunctional person. No tried and true method to becoming 'okay' with the series of losses in your life.
My thought is, that if I could talk about it with someone who has gone through it, work through the trauma and choices we all have experienced or made, that maybe then I would fully own the reality rather than function around it. As though by speaking the name, I had incapacitated the monster.... I look at my brother who has found his happiness and love in someone who also shares the experience of losing a mother, it is like he has spent years waiting for her to come around and now that she has-- he is lit up like a Christmas tree. Beautiful to watch.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The Love of Christmas
Let me count the ways I love you....
Christmas that is! The smell of the tree, going through the decorations and the attached memories, the day by day enjoyment of my old Advent Calendar by my own kids, christmas lights glowing through snow on bushes, reading holiday stories, finding that *perfect* gift for someone, getting pictures of my friends kids in the mail with holiday cards, being able to say happy holidays and make people smile, the smell of gingerbread cookies baking, the smell of apple cider simmering with spices.....
Add in the excitement of my own children as they count down the days.... or my little guy telling me that "the real part of Christmas is being with family and friends and laughing and having fun", and lets not forget all the food.... the Christmas cake, gingerbread cookies, shortbread, tourtiere, turkey and stuffing, chocolates, and enjoying a coffee and Bailey's while you sit back and survey the mess following gift unwrapping....
Christmas for me truly is about the memories, the time with family, love. I like the feeling of it. I love the tradition and my part in keeping it going.
Christmas, I love you!
Christmas that is! The smell of the tree, going through the decorations and the attached memories, the day by day enjoyment of my old Advent Calendar by my own kids, christmas lights glowing through snow on bushes, reading holiday stories, finding that *perfect* gift for someone, getting pictures of my friends kids in the mail with holiday cards, being able to say happy holidays and make people smile, the smell of gingerbread cookies baking, the smell of apple cider simmering with spices.....
Add in the excitement of my own children as they count down the days.... or my little guy telling me that "the real part of Christmas is being with family and friends and laughing and having fun", and lets not forget all the food.... the Christmas cake, gingerbread cookies, shortbread, tourtiere, turkey and stuffing, chocolates, and enjoying a coffee and Bailey's while you sit back and survey the mess following gift unwrapping....
Christmas for me truly is about the memories, the time with family, love. I like the feeling of it. I love the tradition and my part in keeping it going.
Christmas, I love you!
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