Some say words are meaningless. I disagree. Words have the power to cut someone to the core, or calm their fears. A vocal species... of course words matter.
It is learning to disregard the words of those you hold little respect or value for, and treasuring or following the words of those you admire and love that is key. Often I wonder if the written word has not become more powerful as social media sites like TWITTER and smart phone texting/BBM'ing become more prominent in daily life. It is a carefully crafted 140 character string of words that drives that engine. Words that live on in the diaphanous nether world of the internet long after they have been uttered. The old adage of my mother "think before you speak" certainly applies. Tweaked to think before you tweet (or post, or send....) it is even more applicable. Our words are tapped into phones, sent, and while not spoken they are communicated and out there. Unable to be retracted. Completely traceable and usable should the need arise. Heresay has a different texture as it isnt so much a gray area anymore with the digital age. You could just re-tweet, re-post, or link to the comment eliminating the gray area of "she said to Johnny who said to Jess who said to....". Crazy world.
I love words, big and small. For me, email and texting/BBM is more attractive than a phone call. It can have more clarity in that you must tap those words out on to a screen, review, then send.... yes, we lack intonation and expression but somehow, many of us have survived. The concise nature of texting appeals to me, amazing as I am a blabberer-talker type person, largely because it forces me to sort and condense. Plus, it makes me pause and not be overly emotional or forces me to ask for clarification. When I receive that text from someone special, it is lovely. Almost like a letter of days gone by. Shorter for sure, but no less sweet to open and anticipate the message. Perhaps it is the brevity that makes it sweeter.
I am sure people have expressed their love, or perhaps their hate via text messages and emails. Some may think it cold and calculating. I don't agree. The only unfortunate thing perhaps is you can't just save it away in a box to re-read years later. Our words can be so strong. Your words have been so provoking. Just like a face to face conversation, you don't know what the person ponders long after the talk has ended. The difference in our digital form is that we can re-visit that moment of conversation. Ponder it, taste it again and wonder.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Some people leave a mark on our soul...
I have always believed the "it is not how long someone is in your life, but the mark they make in your life that matters". As I have grown and changed in the last two years this has become very apparent. I have opened my life to new people, new experiences and in doing so have been moved and educated by so many people. Educated about the different struggles we each face, and also about my own weaknesses. My strengths have become apparent too, but often it is our weaknesses that force us to learn or drown. Its those lessons we DON'T learn that come back to haunt us.
Dating people means opening yourself up to possibilities. Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking this or that person is right.... or good enough.... or even 'just right'. Of course you never get that deep down gut feeling of 'right'. What I am finding harder is categorizing a past relationship that was all wrong.... and never did I fool myself thinking it wasn't, yet, it was deep down gut felt connection. Letting that wrong time and place relationship go was so incredibly difficult.
At this time and place in my life I have found someone who fits me, and whom I adore and love. So why when I come across something that makes me think of that other "wrong" person is something still there? I guess it is that mark on my soul. A part of me wishes so much that I could tell them that they helped me become ME again when I had lost that person. That I smile when I think of them. And that for some reason, I couldn't take it if I ever found out they were toying with me the whole time. Sigh. Life just isn't simple!
Having had those experiences makes me appreciative of where I am and the love I have in my life. The mark on my soul left behind is a better understanding of just who it is I am, and what it is my soul needs to be satisfied.
Dating people means opening yourself up to possibilities. Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking this or that person is right.... or good enough.... or even 'just right'. Of course you never get that deep down gut feeling of 'right'. What I am finding harder is categorizing a past relationship that was all wrong.... and never did I fool myself thinking it wasn't, yet, it was deep down gut felt connection. Letting that wrong time and place relationship go was so incredibly difficult.
At this time and place in my life I have found someone who fits me, and whom I adore and love. So why when I come across something that makes me think of that other "wrong" person is something still there? I guess it is that mark on my soul. A part of me wishes so much that I could tell them that they helped me become ME again when I had lost that person. That I smile when I think of them. And that for some reason, I couldn't take it if I ever found out they were toying with me the whole time. Sigh. Life just isn't simple!
Having had those experiences makes me appreciative of where I am and the love I have in my life. The mark on my soul left behind is a better understanding of just who it is I am, and what it is my soul needs to be satisfied.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Its been so long!
I realized it has been almost two months since I last posted. I think it is safe to say I have been busy? Yes. For sure. Having managed to launch the 2011 season at work, have new staff start without my assistant here (she was on a trip) and then, add in personal stuff.
The personal stuff. The stuff I usually record here. Where to start.... after processing a friendship which crossed the line of 'just friends' at times, I came to some important realizations. One: it really is true that we often want what we cannot have. Two: it is hard to peel back the reasons we want someone in our lives so damn badly. Those things said, when you admit to number one and recognize what motivates number two you gain a real sense of "whew"!
All of this occurred mid to end of April. Last blog entry. With the launch of the 2011 season at work I figured what better time than now to take a break from the dating thing. People just were not surfacing that had what I wanted or needed. Time to back off and breathe. Then, I went on one last date.
One last date. He was nice. He was cute. He made me laugh. No crazy electricity in the outset but enough to want to try one more date. When I met him the second time there was intense electricity. I was dying to have him kiss me.... and when he did it was incredible. As we talked, the commonalities of our lives in weird experiences came to light. The connect was immediate and intense. Our date was Saturday night until Monday morning. Amazing.
And.... since then it has only been better. I have loved people throughout my life. Loved my ex-spouse, my kids, my family. But not like this. To be honest, I didn't know this level of intimacy and connection was a possibility or even real. More the stuff of movies. There was none of the pretending or surface image projection. Just us, as ourselves and perfectly imperfect.
So, since I last blogged I have been struck by love. The gooey, hand holding, heart expanding kind of love. The kind where you feel content in the forever of it. No need to control it, just let it in. How incredible.
The personal stuff. The stuff I usually record here. Where to start.... after processing a friendship which crossed the line of 'just friends' at times, I came to some important realizations. One: it really is true that we often want what we cannot have. Two: it is hard to peel back the reasons we want someone in our lives so damn badly. Those things said, when you admit to number one and recognize what motivates number two you gain a real sense of "whew"!
All of this occurred mid to end of April. Last blog entry. With the launch of the 2011 season at work I figured what better time than now to take a break from the dating thing. People just were not surfacing that had what I wanted or needed. Time to back off and breathe. Then, I went on one last date.
One last date. He was nice. He was cute. He made me laugh. No crazy electricity in the outset but enough to want to try one more date. When I met him the second time there was intense electricity. I was dying to have him kiss me.... and when he did it was incredible. As we talked, the commonalities of our lives in weird experiences came to light. The connect was immediate and intense. Our date was Saturday night until Monday morning. Amazing.
And.... since then it has only been better. I have loved people throughout my life. Loved my ex-spouse, my kids, my family. But not like this. To be honest, I didn't know this level of intimacy and connection was a possibility or even real. More the stuff of movies. There was none of the pretending or surface image projection. Just us, as ourselves and perfectly imperfect.
So, since I last blogged I have been struck by love. The gooey, hand holding, heart expanding kind of love. The kind where you feel content in the forever of it. No need to control it, just let it in. How incredible.
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