A day in the life of Ms. KLC....

So my official title is "Executive Director" and man..... it sounds sweeeeet.  Ironically, titles don't do that much for me anymore.  I am much more interested in the what goes behind the title.  So here is what goes behind my title....

Picking up a pig.  Yes.  A pig.  After convincing a friend with a truck that they wanted to assist me, I went on my merry adventure to collect a "free" potbellied pig that needed a new home.  My thought was how lovely!  A pig that is tame, fun and the kids who visit can pet!  So off we went.  When I arrived three people stood around looking perplexed.  They had a large dog crate out and placed oranges in the crate and thought that Petunia the Pig would head on in!!!  What a hoot.  And since she didnt, they had NO idea how to get her in.  Well.  I did.  Over I stepped and grabbed the 100 lb pig, and proceded to shove her into the crate.  What a hoot.  Ever heard a pig squeal in indignation?  Loud.  The other three people stood around and watched.  Open mouthed.  At this time, might I take a moment to remind all readers that I am a Political Science graduate, who holds a Bachelor of Education and was a teacher.  I did not grow up on a farm, nor do I have extensive Ag experience.  Yet.  I wrestled a pig.  The best was yet to come however.  After loading her in the crate, in the back of the pickup we began our journey.  Almost at our exit on the highway we heard squeals and looked back to see my darling Petunia busting out of the crate!  YIKES!  Pull over......  As luck would have it, I had fishing line in my pocket.  Don't ask why!!  So, I McGyvered up the pen well enough to get her back to the barn.  And in she went.  Today, she is happy.  Nesting in a bed of straw, drinking lots of water and looking much less stressed out.

De-icing a sliding door.  With a pick.  So that a community partner could access the building.  I hacked and picked at the ice this morning.  Heaved and hawwed and pushed that ice wedged door.  Finally overcoming it.  Does this sound like an ED job?  Sooooo glamourous!

Then, I fed a 6 week old sheep her bottle.  Fed three bossy sheep their morning grain, checked on the ducks, picked up crap.... then headed outside to meet some prospective renters for the barn.  After showing it, I decided to shovel the heavy wet and slushy snow off the area where my employee parks and shovelled a lane.  Hey, I don't need workplace injuries!  When I came inside, I sat down for some paperwork.  Only to be greeted by someone at the door.  Turns out those people I had shown the barn to, had gotten their van stuck.  Out I went again.  Sanded around the van, then finally pushed it out.  I am on my second pair of pants today.  Why do I shower before work again???

Now here is the secret part..... I love it.  Don't let me fool you.  The manual labour, the physical aches, the animals..... all part of what makes me love this job.  I am NOT a person who does well in boring environments.  I need the challenge, diversity and general nature of this job to be satisfied.  That I can do all those things in the morning, then sit down and use my brain to complete a grant application or schmooze over lunch with potential sponsors is all part of the job. Plus what I love.

Oh I know I am a complex woman.  I like to get dirty, be hands on and involved in the adventure.  Yet I also love my strappy heeled sandals that I dress up in and prance around in!  I adore going to the symphony or a concert, the museum and art gallery.  Yet, I could never live in the city.  I need space, room to breathe.  Moments of intense calm often come when I am alone, surrounded by the beauty of nature and with my dog.  Nothing complicated. 

Emotionally I am equally complex.  While I seek that connection, that intense level of understanding and respect... I also need my space.  My time to do my thing.  To not have to explain or answer for.  Spending time with those you love is wonderful be they family, friends or lovers... but after I need time to refill myself.  While I have a dominant personality, it is not all that I am.  I can be soft.  Maternal and intensley loving.  When I see those in need I ache to be able to provide shelter, support, care.  To wrap my arms around them and allow them a safe place to see the strength they have within.  Few but my true friends would know this.  Strong, confident and determined I may be.  Mostly because I have to be.  But even the strongest women have little girls inside who need to be little girls cared for.  Loved.

Complexity is interesting.  Challenging.  Scary at times.  Not for the weak of heart.  I am not for the weak of heart, nor is my job.  I like it that way and have no intention of changing it.  Life is to be lived.  Experienced.  Learned.  Bring it on.  Each day brings something new which keeps it interesting......

Trying, Reaching, Wondering

Trying....
to be me and wholly present
to not repeat the mistakes of my past, the patterns that dog me
to be a wiser, more open, and fully mindful woman

Reaching...
for inspiration in my profession and career
for fufillment and satisfaction

Wondering...
why must we desire what we cannot have?
why is it that the human psyche can be so fragile?
why is it so very difficult to find a partner in a world filled with people looking for just the same?
why do people come close, admire, respect, enjoy but not connect?

Perhaps....
It is just not to be right now
There is a bigger plan
This is just a moment, a blink in all that is

Maybe...
Love is not what we think it truly is
That the passionate connect we think we want is really just disguised pain
Love is really the culmination of respect, appreciation, communication and connection
It isnt an absolute here or not here

Wouldnt it be nice if life came with a map?

I'm still not over you....

The statement many people want to hear for the sake of their ego's.  While some of us (I am one of this breed) dread having someone say or intone that they are not over me.....  But what about when you are with friends or loved ones who are just not over that "you" in their lives?  Who are just to worn thin from the experience of that person, that they just cannot "get over" whoever it was that was so significant.  What do you do when you are with someone who is clearly not over someone else, and you want to move forward with them?  When they say one thing, but subconsciously speak and act another?  

Wouldnt it be nice if there was a litmus test - like those acid test papers we experimented with in highschool.  "If it goes purple..." you can move on and begin dating again.  While any other colour... whoa Nelly!  I make light.... but it is something on my mind.  There are so many theories out there post-marital break up.  A month for every year is a common one.  Humh.  My thought? It depends on how you have processed things.  Have you learned, grown, taken away what needed to be heard? 

As my energy becomes more at ease within me, I am better able to just let things go and recognize their value but let it go nonetheless.  I see my weakness, and know why my actions produce certain results.  What I find most difficult is seeing something so obvious, a lesson dead centre, and not saying anything to whom it pertains.  All day today I felt something on the tip of my tongue and wrestled with whether to say anything or not.  In the end, I opted for not.  So hard to know if saying something would have pushed someone towards something too painful...  I saw the "still not over you" in action.  Saying nothing was hard, but I think correct.  If it is to go nowhere.... so be it.  I will not struggle with the "still not over you" when he is gone.  I will accept it and move forward.