.... what is the sound you ask? I don't myself know but I imagine it differs for each person. I wonder at times whether I myself am settling. When reality forces me into the here and now, not where I feel my inner self leaning.
This question popped to my thoughts after listening to a song with that line in it. Perhaps the sound is different for each person. Willing to bet a huge majority are unwilling to even hear the sound. We have all done it and then clasped our hands to our ears (metaphorically speaking of course) and refused to admit it. As I type this I cannot help but wonder if the 'settling' so many of us do is what results in the oft talked about or blamed midlife crisis. Hmmm.
In the past 8 months or so I have put myself under a microscope for me to see my inner workings. Looked closely and cringed silently at times. Smiled happily also. Stood proudly. The result is that I am now standing here and no longer feeling less than whole for being who I am. If I intimidate you, that is your reaction and not me forcing that upon you. Should you take the moment to see me... open to me and not what you perceive you will feel my full warmth. I am beginning to see my own beauty amid the cracks and crevices and imperfect self.
Have I settled. For sure. In everything? No way. To settle is to never challenge yourself. To never try and never fail. Is settling a permanent state? I hope not. There are areas in which I have settled, and hope that as I gain wisdom and see my own path more clearly that I will be able to move away from simply settling... and take that active step towards something else.
Is it bad to settle? Nah. Not if you only do it sometimes. Not if to engage in one area you must settle in another. We cannot have it all at the same time. But we can have it all... I think just not on a time frame we set.
I want it all.... but I will take the pieces I have for now.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~Charles C. Finn
Ahhh. How I love this quote. This is the difference between someone knowing you and truly seeing you. To your depths. Under all the layers, over the walls, and through the disguises. When you talk with the people who hear what you are not saying you sense it. It can be unnerving, for they see all of us. Not just that which we project. When we meet those "kindred spirits" as I like to think of them, they hear the words we say and feel those we do not.
I have a few of these people in my life. Interestingly, it is in the past year that I have added a few of these very special people who see me. We seek out each others perspective because their opinion is so valid, for they KNOW us. They often force us to see what we perhaps would not like to.
When in turmoil, when struggling.... it is these few people I turn to for advice. I am lucky that one of these people is my brother. He is one of those people who 'gets' it. Do I always like his perspective? No. Do I always appreciate it in the long run? Yes. Sometimes, it is small comments that set me spinning. Like his observation that since my personal re-discovery in the last year that I am back to being Krista once again. Krista + more. I am fully seated in myself again.
I hope so. But this path is scary. I so love and appreciate those that see and hear what I do not say. How rare these people are. It is their contact that redirect my path, provide me with a mirror on life. This quote is so applicable to me... the outgoing talker. I say much, but little of it is truly personal or exposing. It is what I do not say.....
Ahhh. How I love this quote. This is the difference between someone knowing you and truly seeing you. To your depths. Under all the layers, over the walls, and through the disguises. When you talk with the people who hear what you are not saying you sense it. It can be unnerving, for they see all of us. Not just that which we project. When we meet those "kindred spirits" as I like to think of them, they hear the words we say and feel those we do not.
I have a few of these people in my life. Interestingly, it is in the past year that I have added a few of these very special people who see me. We seek out each others perspective because their opinion is so valid, for they KNOW us. They often force us to see what we perhaps would not like to.
When in turmoil, when struggling.... it is these few people I turn to for advice. I am lucky that one of these people is my brother. He is one of those people who 'gets' it. Do I always like his perspective? No. Do I always appreciate it in the long run? Yes. Sometimes, it is small comments that set me spinning. Like his observation that since my personal re-discovery in the last year that I am back to being Krista once again. Krista + more. I am fully seated in myself again.
I hope so. But this path is scary. I so love and appreciate those that see and hear what I do not say. How rare these people are. It is their contact that redirect my path, provide me with a mirror on life. This quote is so applicable to me... the outgoing talker. I say much, but little of it is truly personal or exposing. It is what I do not say.....
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Back after a long 'away'
Work has been crazy busy, demands of life have stripped me of all my energy and most creative time. I did however, remember to bring my camera on my way to work the other day. It was a really beautiful morning in the country where the moisture from the previous day's melt had frozen in the air and deposited upon trees and hung in the air. It was magical looking. A part of me was mesmerized and felt it was like a fairy world!
It is moments like these that I am so glad I live in a small town and when I travel for work, it is largely through rural areas. So many people stuck in suburbia miss these small moments of great beauty. They miss feeling suspended in time while surrounded by nature. Moments of "slow".
Almost as though prompted, when I started reading a chapter in a book I have at my bedside, the article was on "slow" and "anti-consumerism". The people the article was about chose to live via a 4-4-4 method. Four hours for the labour that kept them alive and well, four hours towards a professional/personal goal, and four hours towards their community and social causes. It was not a disengagement with the outer world, but a living thoughtfully. Instead of whirling about, it was being decisive. I like it. It was inspiring to think about being more connected to the production of food and the items that sustain us. Planning time to do the socially engaging things that build community and connectedness and the time to do what our own talents and abilities drive us to do.
By allocating their time thus, it allowed them to be less dependent on the consumer economy and gave them the time to express-- not work. I so identify with these people. How little I care about the working for money except that money allows flexibility to do other things! Yet, the more I work, the less time I have to spend that money on art classes etc! I find it hard to fit in the community connections that I value, in addition to the work schedule and family. It is exactly this complicated balance that is the problem with modern society. What gives? Community connectedness. Shared social committment. People are just too busy.
Do I have the answer? Nope! But when I got my professional teaching magazine and read the employment stats on certified teachers I knew that my transition from a higher paid job, towards a lower paid highly satisfying job was worth it.
It is moments like these that I am so glad I live in a small town and when I travel for work, it is largely through rural areas. So many people stuck in suburbia miss these small moments of great beauty. They miss feeling suspended in time while surrounded by nature. Moments of "slow".
Almost as though prompted, when I started reading a chapter in a book I have at my bedside, the article was on "slow" and "anti-consumerism". The people the article was about chose to live via a 4-4-4 method. Four hours for the labour that kept them alive and well, four hours towards a professional/personal goal, and four hours towards their community and social causes. It was not a disengagement with the outer world, but a living thoughtfully. Instead of whirling about, it was being decisive. I like it. It was inspiring to think about being more connected to the production of food and the items that sustain us. Planning time to do the socially engaging things that build community and connectedness and the time to do what our own talents and abilities drive us to do.
By allocating their time thus, it allowed them to be less dependent on the consumer economy and gave them the time to express-- not work. I so identify with these people. How little I care about the working for money except that money allows flexibility to do other things! Yet, the more I work, the less time I have to spend that money on art classes etc! I find it hard to fit in the community connections that I value, in addition to the work schedule and family. It is exactly this complicated balance that is the problem with modern society. What gives? Community connectedness. Shared social committment. People are just too busy.
Do I have the answer? Nope! But when I got my professional teaching magazine and read the employment stats on certified teachers I knew that my transition from a higher paid job, towards a lower paid highly satisfying job was worth it.
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